I wanna live inspired

I wanted to title this with an Anberlin lyric quote because i just found out they are playing a show near me!They are playing at Highline Ballroom June 3rd! I saw the Rocket Summer there like 3 weeks ago (well tmrw is exactly 3 weeks and i wore my rocket summer shirt today too). That day i have school though which means i will be able to get to the train station at like 3 o'clock and get to the venue at like 4:30,4:45, maybe 5. there might be a line i dont know. But i have ride awakening that day. im not sure what time it ends, but once it does, im bolting home, then bolting to the train station so i can get on the next train. Hopefully it would be nicer outside than it was for the Rocket summer concert. I hope my mom lets me go by myself or someone comes with me. Sorry im kinda excited and want to go! haha well thats about it

Peace 'n' love

Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?

"Wish you drink would hurry and kill you" "Love is a terrible art, its a hook in the heart" "existence has no meaning, there is no such thing as happy" "One last drink just to kill the pain" "Why do you wanna be all listening to me, why do you spread your arms and tell me I'm free? Why do you wanna be in my life?"

Life is short. You live, and you die everyday in some way. There is no way in stopping the dying process. It happens to all of us.

"Dont try to wake me up even if the sun really does come out tomorrow"

What is true happiness? What is love? Even if the sun comes up, dont try to wake me up. Is life really truly worth living?

People die, friends die, wars will wreck your life, whether internally or externally. You try to help others the best you can but you really dont help anyone at all. There comes a point in your life when you have to give up everything and leave everything behind. Whats worth the pain? Very little, almost nothing is worth it.

"I wrestled the angel for more than a name"

We fight things we cannot control. We try to drive our lives and never be the passenger, but overall we are always the passanger. Parents will die, dreams will die, you will be alone. You will be torn in two.

"I never said then that i would be easy to love, supposedly i am a man but i felt like a cub"

we are things we are not. we are everything and nothing. We think we are one thing, when in actuality we are just dust and dirt.

"I was a happy nihilist, now I'm wondering why I exist"

We question life. We say we believe in things but then we ditch those ideas. But what are we in essence? What is life? What is love? What is happiness?

"I put my money on me, I used to be something"

I am nothing. I wish i was something in my earlier years but i always told myself i was nothing therefore i became nothing. This is the harsh reality that i realize too late.


What is the true meaning of life?


"Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire
And nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
Is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
THIS IS MY HELL."

Rock out like your life depends on it

I found this guy, Anis Mojgani, from TWLOHA. He spoke one of his poems at the Heavy and Light show in 2010. It was awesome. I decided to see more poems by him. I found this video and it was awesome. There is 3 here and so many quoteable lines. This guy is great. I hope you enjoy this!




Heres the one he read at Heavy and Light, which is the one he says in the last one above ^ ^

Ever since that night

I wrote a song. its for a special certain someone who i think never reads this. but if she does, then its for you =]


Ever since i wrote that song
about two weeks ago
a week after i saw you
saw that smiling face of yours

[c] i cant help but think
i cant help but feel
feel these things in my heart
everything that deals with you
and your beautiful self

i cant see you hurt
it makes me want to hold you even more
your head against my chest
with tears coming down your eyes

[c]

I cant help these growing feelings
but it just makes me excited
my heart races just to think of your name
and how much you mean to me
and my life, my life

[c]

Ever since i wrote that song
i dream of you more
and love you just a little bit more



♥

Peace 'n' love
Mike

Is this everything that you've hoped for?

I am bored. No one will probably read this. i will ramble on about things in this post, like i normally do.

im listening to "save" by the rocket summer, thinking about the concert i went to friday. it was so much fun, yet it makes me sad. i was alone at the concert, which was good actuallly. i got the chance to talk to new people and meet new people. key word, chance. i didnt though. there was a girl i thought was pretty yet i failed to talk to her. why? i dont know. maybe i was scared she would judge me, think i have bad intentions. and i get sad thinking about that concert. i had fun! but i dont know what makes me sad when i think about it.

maybe i scared. maybe im scared to meet new people. maybe im scared ill hold on. maybe im scared to go to college. its a new place, maybe im scared to go cuz i dont know anyone. maybe im scared to be there by myself and be alone alot. maybe im scared of alot of things. i wanna say ill never be scared again, but i cant.

last night my friend wrote a survey note thing on facebook. he said the last photobooth pciture he took was with his now girlfriend karen, her foreign exchange student marieke, and a friend. I began to feel sad. so here is a short story of what happened. i like marieke, i told karen to tell marieke this fact. i didnt talk to her anymore. I just regret that happening. i want to see her again face to face and say "im sorry" and start over as friends. she probably forgot about me though. who am i but a random person in her life? who am i to anyone but just another random person in there life?

"Is this everything that you've hope for? is this everything you've dreamed? well i think it is, if the real point is seen" those lyrics from "so in this hour" just are made to be screamed. When he played it live, i screamed those parts so loud. I dont know why but they mean a lot to me. they mean something to me

Peace 'n' Love
Mike

A night on the town

Am i going to sit here and bore you with my experiences right now? well im waiting for a package to come and to go to work at 4 and it is only 2 so therefore yes i am.

Yesterday, i went to New York City. I was going to see the Rocket Summer at Highline Ballroom. I almost didnt go but thats a totally different story. I got on the train and then the hour and 20 minute ride began. Once i got off the train, i was in Penn Station and then went to go to the venue. My mom and her boyfriend walked down with me to the venue, and that took about 30 minutes. Every 10 feet i walked i had to look back and see where my mom was at, because she walks slow and i walk really fast. She kept telling me to slow down. After 17 blocks down, and 2 blocks over, i was at the venue.

There was a line, not a big one, but a small one with about 13 people in it. They were all girls, i was the first guy there. My mom was waiting there with me for no reason. I told her the car show was all the way back near Penn Station and she got angry at me. These two girls came next in line after me. One girl was like asian-ish and looked like my friend Katrina, and the other was a pretty and cute girl that looked like my ex-girlfriend (except with blonde hair). She looked similar but not exactly the same. I'm over my ex, but it was just weird she kinda looked like her, but she was pretty which is all that matters. (she was also wearing a Harry Potter shirt which reminded me of Rachel for some reason haha) Anyway they had us move in closer to the venue, and i was still the only guy in line, trapped behind the girls, staying to myself because i couldnt talk to any of them because i didnt know any of them and it would be awkward to bust into their conversations. I waited for a little bit, i heard Bryce soundchecking, and he was playing "Hills and Valleys" To try to kinda segway my way into those two girls conversations, i said to the asian one, " iwas thinking the same thing" when she started doing the clappping part to that song. But that is where it ended. I was wearing a short sleeve tee shirt and shorts and it was about 45 degrees. I was the only one in the city wearing shorts. It was slightly cold and my knees were shaking for a little bit, but once it was 5:40, the doors opened 10 minutes late.

Once i went up the stairs and the guy scanned my ticket, i went straight to the merch booth to buy a shirt. I looked at the shirts real quick and choose a blue one. i asked for a medium, they didnt have it. she asked me if a small would fit, and i took, and she said if it doesnt u can bring it back. i went to the stage and i was the 2nd person from the stage. it was awesome, but i was also surronded by all girls. I put the shirt on, it fit, and then waited til the opening acts starter. The first band was Socratic. They were great! from the first song they played i knew i liked them. They played about 6 songs and were cool guys. The 2nd band was "lions of ido" i didnt like them too much. The girl bassist looked like she wasnt havent fun and didnt want to be there. The one guitarist had no emotions. the drummer was good, the random guy was too into it (and he stole Jon Foreman's tom drum bash) Towards the end of their set, the singer started raping this girls head. He grabs her head and puts his next to hers and like hugs her head and put his mouth near her ear. it was just really really weird. I asked her after "how awkward was that?" and she was like very! oh gotta love weird people haha

Then Bryce finally came on. I'm not going to go through every song in the order it went because that would get long, and i dont remember all the songs in order. He did play a decent amount of older stuff that i did not know, so i kinda felt left out. The pretty girl i mentioned before looked like she had an amazing time and she was in front of bryce's little stand thing so she constantly saw him and him in front of her. He had his little intro thing then he played "Hills and Valleys" it was really good. then he played "do you feel" i love that song and he did well. Next he played a cover of some song he heard on the radio, apparently alot of people knew it cuz they were singing along. Next was "you gotta believe". I missed my chance to go on stage and ask him to play it, but he plays it differently than me so i would mess it up. He played "Save" next which is a song i know, but am not too fond with. it is a good song just i rarely listened to it. He went to the drums after the song was over, and recorded a beat that he looped. He did the same with the bass, then with guitar. Then they stopped it, and played "break it out" which was a fun song. After that i kinda forget. i know he played some older songs, one of which was "cross your heart" He played a song off his new album which i cant remember. Ah now i do, it was "i need a break. . . .but i'd rather have a breakthrough" HE also came into the crowd and played "i want something to live for" then he crowd surfed to the stage which was awesome and i helped him kinda get on stage. He took the picture of the concert on his Iphone then he played more songs. He supposed last song of the set was "So, in this hour" which is an amazing song. He did the "You tell me to live" outro too. He left the stage and came back for an encore. He did a medly of things on his piano. he did alot of older stuff for his encore. he did do the outro to "japanese exchange student" though, which was fun. i kept trying to get him to play "freebird" as a joke because of that jon foreman show where the guy tells him to play that. his band came back on and they played "so much love" Then his last song was "light" which was awesome and a good way to end the show.

i tried to get a setlist, but the girls attacked it when the guy threw it into the crowd. they deserve it more than me bc they are probably bigger fans. I had to wait on line for merch because i wanted to get the vinyl. and i did. i got the talk to the singer of socratic for like a minute then i got a bad picture of us together bc my phone was being dumb. but he was awesome and cool with it. i told vinny, another guy from socratic, he did a good show. then my mom told me to walk to penn station which took me like 15 mins because i walk fast. i was tired. i ate something, got back on the train and went home and got sleep.

that was in hope i didnt bore you to death.

Peace'n'Love
Mike

If life had background music playing your song, i've got to be honest, I tried to escape it

I just read an amazing blogpost on "Cities", the third album of one of my favorite bands anberlin. it was very interesting, inspiring, yet saddening in a way. I also read a post from my friend, Rachel, and that post was slightly saddening too. I dont know maybe for both, its hard for me to see people i look up to be upset and in a disillusioned point in there life. I used to be like that with my mom. Every time i saw her cry, i would cry. It still kind of happens, but not as much. I feel less connection to her for some reason. One thing Stephen brought up is that he always had someone who was proud of him, his father, and his father would tell him that he could do whatever he wanted to do and he put his mind to. I dont feel like i have someone who is constantly proud of me. My mom wants everything better of me, calls me lazy, curses at me for getting a band grade in school. She is proud of me for things i find not that important, and she isnt proud of me for what i think is important. She is proud of me getting into a good college, and thinks i will do well and shit. But what does that shit mean to me? oh great i got into college, i accomplished my one dream of getting out of this house. Yes its a good college, but to a point i could give a shit. Its another part in my life i have to live through to get what i really want. I do want a new crowd of faces, to find my true home, but at the same time, i dont think engineering is going to be my life career. I was talking to another friend named Rachel last night about her teaching. She said its a job but she cant see herself doing it for more than 5 years max. Its the same with me. my mom thinks im going to get a good job, get lots of money, and support her and maybe my brother. But for me, i can see me working in engineering for like 5 years max, like Rachel with teaching. We both have a driving need to be something else than this world wants us to be. I want to be a musician. I want to be someone's Jon Foreman, Tim Foreman, Stephen Christian, Ryan Kirkland, Matt MacDonald, etc. I want to be that person that people will look up to and be happy with me. I want to inspire people.

Now i forgot where this began, oh gotta love the stream of consciousness

"Its not that i keep hanging on, I'm never letting go" For some reason this line strikes me. For many times and places and people, I dont want to let go, even though i know i have to. Im not hanging on, i just cant let go.

I fail at times. I'm not a perfect perosn. I sin. I fall down. I say i want to help but i dont "become the change i want to see in the world" I feel like a hypocrite. I lie, i curse, i do other bad things. I judge people, i make fun of people. I let people get on my nerves.I feel like people over-rate the songs i write. Sure they may have a couple or 2 good lines but thats it. the music isnt good, the guitar work isnt good, the singing is utter shit. And people tell me all the time, youre singing isnt the best (to be nice) or like when i playing a benefit concert, in the middle of a song, someone in the crowd yelled out "You suck!" and walked out. Or the best, all of your music sounds the same. Just because the lyrics are good, it doesnt mean the rest is good, it most likely means its shit, bc im not Switchfoot, Anberlin, Between the trees, The CLassic crime, dream theater. I would be a bad boyfriend/husband. I can be mean at times, i yell at times, im very sarcastic. Who would want to live with a lazy piece of shit like me? At times i feel like the world should revolved around me. I do say certain things at times just to see how people will respond. And if no one says anything, i get angry at myself or the people who didnt say anything. I feel a space between certain friends and myself. Some friends i can tell this too, some friends this thing, i can never tell everything to one person. Last time i did that person left me. I have nothing against her, its life, but i could tell her anything, and then things fell apart and we havent talked for like 5 months. What love that is. She would get angry at me for my depression thoughts which caused a fight between us, and he eventual admittance that she cheated on me. Yet i took her back. I dont know, maybe love is blind.

and to agree on Rachel (the first one) im tired of the passing of time. and with that, nothing that happens. Time just goes by and i dont do anything. I just sit here in front of my computer listening to music, and get made fun of by my family for being in front of the computer. But maybe it gives me more of a home than they ever do. "because the coldest winters thrive on broken homes" "Is anybody out there?"

Like from one of my songs "I just feel liek sitting here and wasting away" At times i find everything pointless, and if i just sat her like a vegetable and did nothing, i would not really miss anything. "there is more to living than being alive" "Existance before essensce" Yesterday someone asked me if i was alive after i didnt respond to them for a long time. I rightfully said "define alive" what does being alive in these days mean? Does it mean having tons of friends you dont really know, going out and getting wasted, come back home and fucking some whore from the side of the street? or fucking some girl you say you love but you really dont because all you want from her is sex and sandwiches? Or is it doing something you love, helping others, and be a loving friend, boy/girlfriend, or husband/wife?

I'm just rambling on though, it feels kind of good, but also makes me more angry and just want to yell at the top of my lungs certain songs i can do that to. I should be happy tomorrow im going to NYC and going to see The Rocket Summer. It should be an awesome time, yet here i sit feeling bad for myself and angry at the world. I need to find where i put my concert ticket. ok found it. it was right in frontof me. thought i would have to move stuff. I have no idea what else to say. Im still listening to anberlin, cities the album. im on "inevitable" i really like Dismantle. Repair. Ok well im going to stop now

Peace 'n' Love
Mike