“I am responsible,” says Michael Stephen Portnoy, the drummer of a progressive metal band named Dream Theater, “for anyone, anywhere reaches out for help. I want my hand to be there”. Mike Portnoy had a disease many people throughout the world develop, alcoholism. Through different things that happened throughout his life, Portnoy could only find comfort in something that would keep his mind off of what he was dealing. Alcohol seemed to be the answer to him. He had changed and affected his own life and other people’s lives too, through his experiences with alcohol. He never realized that he affected so many lives until he went through the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Program, or also called the 12 Step Program. After going through the program, he has found it therapeutic to write songs about each of the steps of the program, and release it with his band, Dream Theater. His journey may be different from yours, mine, or other people’s, but in the end, we are all human struggling with adversity throughout our whole life.
The first step in the 12 step program is to realize you have a problem. Sometimes this may be one of the hardest steps. At times in life, it is hard to see and realize that what we are doing is wrong, and that that act needs to be changed. Mike had to realize that alcoholism was running his life, and that he needed to change that. His first song that he wrote for the steps is called “The Glass Prison”. He separates the song into the first 3 steps of the program. The first one he calls “Reflections”. To realize that you are on the wrong path, one must reflect on their life. He writes, “I’m powerless, have to let go”. He realizes that he does have a problem, and that he needs to let go of this burden. “Hopeless surrender, obsession’s got me beat, losing the will to live, admitting complete defeat”. Not only must one realize that he has the problem, but he must succumb to the thought that he is defeated by this item of destruction. Mike had realized that when he was feeling angry, desperate, or depressed he would turn to alcohol to solve his problems. He realized that he went into this “glass prison” to get away from his life and pain; “Crawling into my glass prison, a place where no one knows, my secret lonely world begins”. Not only can the 12 step program be use for alcoholism, but also other illnesses like depression. When one had depression, they tend to isolate themselves from others. They crawl into their own “glass prison” so to speak, where they are by themselves with no one noticing that they are bothered by something. They must admit they are depressed and that they are powerless over their depression. People always say “admitting it is the first step” not realizing they are referencing the 12 Step Program. But admitting defeat is the first step on a long, hard road to recovery. If the person wants to change, they will be willing to take the road to make their life better.
The second step depends on what kind of person the alcoholic is. This step is admitting that there is a higher force in their life that will help them to restore themselves to sanity. Mike Portnoy calls this step restoration. He happens to be Christian and believe in God. Other people might be Buddhist, for example, and believe that Buddha will help that person be restored to the way their life used to be. Mike recalls this step by writing, “cry- desperate, crawling on my knees, begging God to please stop the insanity”. There is an old proverb that says, “when you have fallen on your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray”. This step takes more thought of the person. They must be willing to give into God, and let God control their life. This step may be a little less known by people suffering with depression. Once they admit they have it and want to get better, depending on their belief, they may have already given in to the deity that they believe in. But some still, like Portnoy, may have to give into God and let the creator or everything bring them back to sanity.
