Reflections on poems and songs

Today i read a poem a friend had written. I really enjoyed both of the ones that i read that she wrote. After i read it, i had this feeling of writing a song. It inspired me to think back about summers past (the poem was about that) and write about it. so i did. then i told her that she inspired me to write and i said i really liked it. i thought to myself after that that poems and songs are basically the same. people always tell me im lucky i can write songs. As my friend Katie once told me, songs are basically glorified poems with music added to it. therefore i think that is true. if you can write poems, you can write songs. to be honest, most of my songs that ive written dont even have music to it so technically i still call them songs. But i also write poems too sometimes. i wrote one about a month or two ago just to write one. i was just talking with a friend and it came to me. it has nothing to do with my life or what ive experienced (which most of my songs are). i showed this to my friend and i told her that i just wrote it, and she enjoyed it. i hope you guys enjoy it too

It is called "Don't Leave"
Now they say, don’t worry, my dear
But I said, “How can I not worry when you’re leaving
I don’t want you to leave”
“I‘ll guard your heart don’t worry
I will always love you”

So that day he left
There was nothing I could do
He thought he was doing what was right
But he knew I loved him ever since I saw him
And what he was doing wasn’t right

Every now and again, I’ll read a letter
And think of him
Imagine him lying next to me in bed
With his arms around my shoulders, hands at waist
I’ll cry myself to sleep
Because I can only worry

That one day I’ll never forget
I was happy when I woke up
But then my joy turned into pain
When they knocked on the door and I heard those voices
I had to run away

Now they say, don’t worry, my dear
But I said, “How can I not worry when he’s gone
I didn’t want him to go”
He said he’d come back
But now he’s down in the ground

The song i was talking about before that was inspired by that poem i shall also post for you. when you read it, it will sound like a poem, but i promise i actually have music to this one.

Do you remember the days when all we had was all day
thinking about how to have more fun
when all we could think is what to do next
and wishing the days would never end

[chorus] oh those were the days
ohh those were the days
oh those were the days
those were the days

sitting outside, loving the weather
playing soccer barefoot in the street
oh how it hurt, but still we had fun
back in those days

bike rides down the streets
took us to a new place
now it seems so small
but it wasnt back then

[c]

and now all those days are done
it seems like they happened so long ago
now we worry and stress
over things we dont know
oh how those days bring back good memories

[c]

Both of those were my original works, no one elses. I hope you liked them and now are going to cotemplate about songs and poems.

~Peace 'n' Love~
Mike

Reflections on a night at P.F. Changs

I dont know where to start. I was thinking on my ride home from dinner at P.F. Changs to blog about things i was thinking. But now all of a sudden, i dont know how to start. Its like starting a song i write. ill know what i want as a chorus or 2nd verse but not be able to know how to start it. but alas, i will try to start it.

around 4:20, i asked my mom, "what time are we going to dinner?" yesterday was my brothers birthday, and my moms friend, Graciela, said wed go out to dinner for his birthday. My mom answered me, "at 4:30" i said to myself, there is no way my mom is gonna be ready in 10 minutes. and sure enough i was right. my brother and i were watching the music channels on TV, while my mom was putting her make-up on. so at like 4:55, we left to go to freehold to go to P.F. Changs, which is a chinese bistro, according to the bag we took home.

On the ride there, my brother made my mom play 2 songs from the "Garbage" cd he brought. (yes garbage is a band, one which my brother is obsessed with. and their debut album is self titled so yea) Also on the way there, i said that i hate when a one laned road turns into two, then a stoplight, then after the stoplight goes back into one lane. seriously, it is dumb. ok my in one lane. oh! now there is two. oops now i have to stop at the light. ok now its green, and i have to merge back into one lane. i just find it really dumb, and so does my mom and my brother.

when we got there, it was packed. almost no parking at all. luckily we found a spot. When we got out, there was this car that turned left into the parking lot, and a car that had the rite of way to go straight. The person going straight honked their horn and my mom was all "shut up!" my brother and i both made comments about how she would do the same thing, and be even more pissed than that driver. we apporached the restaurant and found Graciela waiting there for us sitting down. the lady sitting at the end of the bench got up and said that we could sit down on the whole bench. my mom and my brother sat down, and i was stubborn and decided to stand up, mostly because im used to standing all the time from football practice. Its weird for me, but when i go places i like to look around at all the people around me, especially girls. i dont know, but i like doing it, seeing good looking girls, making judgements about some girls by their attitude and stuff. yes i do judge, but i dont hold it long if i start talking to you. i guess since they are in my head, and i dismiss them after 2 minutes, i guess its ok. Before i actually took notice of one girl, and kept focus (sorta) i realized, wow these girls must be lucky for a dumb, non good looking guy like me to have him look at them and say "shes pretty" or "Shes seems rad, i should go talk to her". Then i thought, no girl would ever do that to me. they would probably see me and be like "wow look at this dork" at best. i mean most girls probably dont even notice me. There were some girls that passed by or went in and out of the restaurant that were good looking. but some were so good looking i knew they have a ego problem or are a slut or whore. so i tend to say "good looking but just no" cuz most really good looking girls just stay with "their people" and dont think of anyone but themselves. They also like say "pshhhh" to anyone who tries to talk to them. The next girl i noticed was a girl that had blonde hair and a green shirt on. it was more of a teal than green, but more green than teal if that makes any sense. I thought she was good looking, but if you had to say like "hot" (as in whore/slut hot talking about before) or "good looking", she was good looking. I normally dont like super hot girls, because as i said before, they have no personalities and are just bitches. also there is just something about girls when semi-tight jeans to really tight jeans. i just love when girls wear that, and of course (beacuse i mention that) she was wearing semi-tight jeans. She was also wearing flip flops (a very insignificant fact there). She was with her mom and dad im guessing. while waiting, she tried on her moms shoes, and her mom put on her flip flops. when she put on her moms shoes, she gained about 2 inches bc they were heeled. but then they switched back, and she was back to normal. the next girl i noticed was a red haired girl walking out of the restaurant. She seemed shorter, (shorter than me probably about 5'2 or 5'1) and had very light white skin. I thought she was pretty, but then memories from my ex-girlfriend Emma came back. The normal questions that always pop up when i see a red haired girl, "is she that tall?" "does she look kinda like that?" "would it be similar if i dated her" stupid questions that just hurt me in the end but i cant help but thinking about. After that, there were some girls that were good looking, but nothing specific enough to worth mentioning but i did notice some of them.

We went inside, got escorted to our table, got our waiter and ordered our food. Our waiter's name was Michael and he was asian. and i have to say he was one of the ebst waiters i ever had in my whole life. he remembered everything, got us refills of our drinks, made sure everythign was ok, and had a very nice personality. he was just an amazing waiter. i couldnt have asked for a better guy. After we got our soups (we got egg drop soup) i saw the girl with the green shirt with her mom and dad sit down like 3 tables ahead of me. and plus i got to look at her when i looked straight ahead. its funny the stupid little small things guys will do to make a girl notice him, but the little thing is so insignificant and unnoticeable. like i tried to look at her, and use telepathic powers to make her look at me back. and that would be good enough for me. just for a girl to notice me and look at me when iwas looking at her. but that never happened throughout the whole stay there. this also reminds me back in january when i fancied this girl named kristin (who is still my friend! =D) i would text her when i should be sleeping. it would be like 10 o clock at night, and id be texting her, even though i was dead tired. its the little things i do to make a girl notice me, but they never end up working.

one conversation came up while we weere eating. it was whether we would want a partner with money or just a good personality. my brother was saying the fact that money would be good to have, so why does it matter as much to have a personality. and my mom stayed on the side that said money doesnt mean anything if that person is a good person. but also remember, my brother is the person who isnt gonna get married and just be by himself like my uncle (his words!). but for me, a person who is pretty sure that he is gonna get married, i would rather take a loving person, who is nice and caring, and a good overal person, over a rich snob. like money is nice, but it doesnt buy you love. money helps, but id rather take a good whole hearted love rather than money. if i had to live on the streets with my future wife that we really had a great relationship and love for each other, i would do it bc money isnt everything to me. in the words of the beatles "love is all you need"

towards the end of our main course, and after we were done, there was this bunch of girls that came to the restaurant to surprise their friend for her birthday with dinner. when the birthday girl came, she was surprised but happy that they did it. then her friends at another table came over and gave her a hug and wished her a happy birthday. and once they left my mom said that they werre like sticks. even thought they really werent. just why does it matter how thin or fat a person is? like i dont care if the person is 100 pounds or 300 pounds. if they are a nice person, not obnoxious, and caring, then i dont care how much you weigh. idk, its just my mom does that alot, kinda point out how skinny a girl is.

so we left the restaurant, after our dessert and fortune cookie. When we got out the door, our amazing waiter came out of the restaurant, and handed us our take home bag we left at the table. i mean cmon what waiter would do that for you? he was just an amazing guy liek i said before. then we walked around for a minute to get possible dessert at the cheesecake factory, but decided not to. i said we should go to the big borders they had, mostly becuase i wanted to see what CDs they had, but borders has a bad CD selection so it didnt bother me that much. my mom, my brother, and i said goodbye to Graciela and then we both went to our cars. we got in, scott played some more garbage, then we got on route 18 to get home. i was just thinking about maybe writing up what iwas thinking, and having it be all uber cool. but now that i wrote it its kinda boring and dull and dumb. just the stupid ideas and thoughts of a 17 year old guy. so there you have it. i hope you didnt die reading that!

~Peace 'n' Love~ Mike

Reflections on the 12 Step Program: Part 1

“I am responsible,” says Michael Stephen Portnoy, the drummer of a progressive metal band named Dream Theater, “for anyone, anywhere reaches out for help. I want my hand to be there”. Mike Portnoy had a disease many people throughout the world develop, alcoholism. Through different things that happened throughout his life, Portnoy could only find comfort in something that would keep his mind off of what he was dealing. Alcohol seemed to be the answer to him. He had changed and affected his own life and other people’s lives too, through his experiences with alcohol. He never realized that he affected so many lives until he went through the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Program, or also called the 12 Step Program. After going through the program, he has found it therapeutic to write songs about each of the steps of the program, and release it with his band, Dream Theater. His journey may be different from yours, mine, or other people’s, but in the end, we are all human struggling with adversity throughout our whole life.

The first step in the 12 step program is to realize you have a problem. Sometimes this may be one of the hardest steps. At times in life, it is hard to see and realize that what we are doing is wrong, and that that act needs to be changed. Mike had to realize that alcoholism was running his life, and that he needed to change that. His first song that he wrote for the steps is called “The Glass Prison”. He separates the song into the first 3 steps of the program. The first one he calls “Reflections”. To realize that you are on the wrong path, one must reflect on their life. He writes, “I’m powerless, have to let go”. He realizes that he does have a problem, and that he needs to let go of this burden. “Hopeless surrender, obsession’s got me beat, losing the will to live, admitting complete defeat”. Not only must one realize that he has the problem, but he must succumb to the thought that he is defeated by this item of destruction. Mike had realized that when he was feeling angry, desperate, or depressed he would turn to alcohol to solve his problems. He realized that he went into this “glass prison” to get away from his life and pain; “Crawling into my glass prison, a place where no one knows, my secret lonely world begins”. Not only can the 12 step program be use for alcoholism, but also other illnesses like depression. When one had depression, they tend to isolate themselves from others. They crawl into their own “glass prison” so to speak, where they are by themselves with no one noticing that they are bothered by something. They must admit they are depressed and that they are powerless over their depression. People always say “admitting it is the first step” not realizing they are referencing the 12 Step Program. But admitting defeat is the first step on a long, hard road to recovery. If the person wants to change, they will be willing to take the road to make their life better.

The second step depends on what kind of person the alcoholic is. This step is admitting that there is a higher force in their life that will help them to restore themselves to sanity. Mike Portnoy calls this step restoration. He happens to be Christian and believe in God. Other people might be Buddhist, for example, and believe that Buddha will help that person be restored to the way their life used to be. Mike recalls this step by writing, “cry- desperate, crawling on my knees, begging God to please stop the insanity”. There is an old proverb that says, “when you have fallen on your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray”. This step takes more thought of the person. They must be willing to give into God, and let God control their life. This step may be a little less known by people suffering with depression. Once they admit they have it and want to get better, depending on their belief, they may have already given in to the deity that they believe in. But some still, like Portnoy, may have to give into God and let the creator or everything bring them back to sanity.