Hey everyone! I know I haven't posted in a long time. School/college really does that to you. It sucks all your time you have left. I am actually leaving Purdue to go home for the rest of the week. For it is Thanksgiving week/weekend. It it always good to go home occasionally and see everything and everyone again. I actually cant wait to drive again. I cant wait to play my electric guitar again. Out of everything those are the two things i miss the most. And my grandma's cooking, but thats a different story. I get work on Black Friday and Saturday. Not really much fun (working 20 hours in 2 days) but i do get money. And i feel like im spending way too much money recently. And Christmas is coming too, I should give some people some presents. But besides all of this, nothing is really new besides school, homework, and more homework. I have a couple of new songs ive written. One i wrote yesterdaty. Im planning to do a simple electric guitar track of it over the weekend, maybe post it here and on my myspace, and then go from there. So yea i really cant think of anything else to say.
And you may have notice that i have a new background on my blog! I finally changed it! WOO! go me! but seriously, my old one was very summer-y and now i need something winter-y kind of. I chose the background because i like to write stuff. And i mostly write stuff indoors, and the white of the paper is kind of like the snow in winter. So that is the story. Have a great week, great Thanksgiving, and awesome weekend! (and dont annoy cashiers at best buy on black friday or saturday)
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Fight on, little Solider, fight on
I recently went on a trip with a friend. We took his car from the Purdue campus all the way to his house which is a suburb of Indianapolis. It was a fun trip. We left Saturday night, and Saturday afternoon was the Purdue vs Toledo game at home. It was a really bad game for Purdue, even though there were ups and downs in the game. The first half was just a big down. Then the third and beginning of the fourth quarter came around and it was a big up for Purdue. We were doing well, made Toledo turn the ball over, and decent on offense. But when the end of the fourth quarter came around, the game ended badly. The score was Purdue 20, Toledo- 31. The game was a bad game, with many downs. But this relates to life. You may be questioning, wait how does football relate to how I live my life? Well I mentioned that there were ups and downs in the game. The same thing happens in life. Things won’t go your way; things might go your way. You get high on life and happy, or you could get down and depressed. But one thing that has to be down is to fight on. Purdue was down the whole game basically, the worst part being in the first half. But they fought on. Even though they were playing bad, and things were not going their way, they fought on. Fight on little solider fight on. Even though things might not go your way fight on. Even if the pain you feel hurts to bad and you want to give up, fight on. If you don’t think there is way, fight on and you will find a way. Keep going on, look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t have tunnel vision; don’t just see the darkness. Fight on and you will see the light.
There were a couple of things that struck me in Indianapolis. My friend and I went to his house. The next day we went to his church, and then went to Irving Theater to see a concert. The Almost and Between the Trees were playing, and I personally love those bands. I got to meet all the guys from Between the Trees before and after the show. All the guys were nice there. After the concert was over, I stood around talking to the bands and the people there. My second to last stop at all the merchandise tables was the Almost’s table. Jay, the guitarist, was there talking to some people. He was a cool guy. After my friend and I took a picture and I was leaving, he told me to wait up a bit and he wanted to tell me something. He told me he noticed that I was wearing a To Write Love On Her Arms shirt. He was like, “hey you know the girl, Renee, that like started all of this?” I of course said yes. “Do you know that the guys. . .” he pointed the area where Between the Trees were, and I rudely interrupted and said “Yes I know they were friends with her and stuff.” Then we talked for like thirty seconds on how it’s weird how this one girl started a whole revolution because of friends who wanted to help her. I think that’s what we should do with everyone. Not start a revolution, but be nice and help others. Care about them so much that you just need to help, write songs about them, help them fight on through the darkness.
Another thing that shocked me was a quick conversation that my friend and I had while we were in a neighboring neighborhood to his. Joking around, I say to him, “So are there any good looking girls in this area?” He did say to me that there actually was this one girl. She was like really pretty and nice. He was talking all in past tense, so being the questioning person I am, I asked what happened to her. He only said three words. Three words that always makes me question and wonder; three words that hurt so much no matter who the person is. The words he said were “She gave up.” I sat there speechless when he said this. I just started saying questions to myself, “Why?” “how?”. So I just briefly responded “wow”. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t know what to say. I wonder if she had friends that could help her. Help her to fight on through the darkness. That’s why I think we should be someone’s Jamie T or Ryan Kirkland. We need to help other people out. Help them weather the storm. Help them get their eyes off something that will not accomplish anything good. Every person’s life is important, yet people don’t get that at times. But we really need to embrace that fact. We need to help fight on. Tell them there is a meaning in life. The pain will end. Help is real. We need to fight on no matter what. Tell people to fight on or help people fight on. Tell them their life is important. Tell them you were made to love and be loved. Help them fight on. Fight on. Tell them to keep going on, the pain is only for now, only temporary. Fight on, little solider, fight on.
There were a couple of things that struck me in Indianapolis. My friend and I went to his house. The next day we went to his church, and then went to Irving Theater to see a concert. The Almost and Between the Trees were playing, and I personally love those bands. I got to meet all the guys from Between the Trees before and after the show. All the guys were nice there. After the concert was over, I stood around talking to the bands and the people there. My second to last stop at all the merchandise tables was the Almost’s table. Jay, the guitarist, was there talking to some people. He was a cool guy. After my friend and I took a picture and I was leaving, he told me to wait up a bit and he wanted to tell me something. He told me he noticed that I was wearing a To Write Love On Her Arms shirt. He was like, “hey you know the girl, Renee, that like started all of this?” I of course said yes. “Do you know that the guys. . .” he pointed the area where Between the Trees were, and I rudely interrupted and said “Yes I know they were friends with her and stuff.” Then we talked for like thirty seconds on how it’s weird how this one girl started a whole revolution because of friends who wanted to help her. I think that’s what we should do with everyone. Not start a revolution, but be nice and help others. Care about them so much that you just need to help, write songs about them, help them fight on through the darkness.
Another thing that shocked me was a quick conversation that my friend and I had while we were in a neighboring neighborhood to his. Joking around, I say to him, “So are there any good looking girls in this area?” He did say to me that there actually was this one girl. She was like really pretty and nice. He was talking all in past tense, so being the questioning person I am, I asked what happened to her. He only said three words. Three words that always makes me question and wonder; three words that hurt so much no matter who the person is. The words he said were “She gave up.” I sat there speechless when he said this. I just started saying questions to myself, “Why?” “how?”. So I just briefly responded “wow”. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t know what to say. I wonder if she had friends that could help her. Help her to fight on through the darkness. That’s why I think we should be someone’s Jamie T or Ryan Kirkland. We need to help other people out. Help them weather the storm. Help them get their eyes off something that will not accomplish anything good. Every person’s life is important, yet people don’t get that at times. But we really need to embrace that fact. We need to help fight on. Tell them there is a meaning in life. The pain will end. Help is real. We need to fight on no matter what. Tell people to fight on or help people fight on. Tell them their life is important. Tell them you were made to love and be loved. Help them fight on. Fight on. Tell them to keep going on, the pain is only for now, only temporary. Fight on, little solider, fight on.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I wanna live. . . .
Jon Foreman of Switchfoot says in the song "Awakening", "I wanna live like i know what i'm leaving". what is he trying to say with this? Could it be that he wants to live enough to leave this place with love? or he wants to live and leave because of what he has done good to the world? those made no sense but i sometimes wonder if im living my life enough to leave it with doing something worthwhile. i recently read this quote from Margaret Fuller that says, "Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live." Do we all forget to live by trying to make a living in this world? I think we do forget to live all the time.
i know for myself that i almost every day forget to live and forget that each breath is worth something special. I worry about stupid things and even important things that wont matter in a year or so. I worry abput getting homework done, worry about exams, not failing, etc. but is it worth all the worry? Am i still going to live on? Am i going to lose my sanity from failing one exam that is worth a fourth of my grade? Sure its not good, but time goes on. Life goes on. To quote Stephen Christian in his song "Naive Orleans", he says " well i finally found that life goes on without you, and my world still turns when youre not around". The world keeps turning. Whether or not you like it, the world goes on with or without you. Its your choice to stand still, or move. Dare people to move, dare yourself to move. Dare to be a part of something important. Do not let breaths be wasted. Do not spend your life away with worry and doubts. Be the change. Go up to that girl you cant talk to. Hold doors open for people you dont know. Try to smile at people ,because most likely they will smile back. Happiness is contagious. Do something different. Be a difference. Live liek you know what you are leaving. Leave an impact. Be something special. I think i will leave it at that. . . .
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
i know for myself that i almost every day forget to live and forget that each breath is worth something special. I worry about stupid things and even important things that wont matter in a year or so. I worry abput getting homework done, worry about exams, not failing, etc. but is it worth all the worry? Am i still going to live on? Am i going to lose my sanity from failing one exam that is worth a fourth of my grade? Sure its not good, but time goes on. Life goes on. To quote Stephen Christian in his song "Naive Orleans", he says " well i finally found that life goes on without you, and my world still turns when youre not around". The world keeps turning. Whether or not you like it, the world goes on with or without you. Its your choice to stand still, or move. Dare people to move, dare yourself to move. Dare to be a part of something important. Do not let breaths be wasted. Do not spend your life away with worry and doubts. Be the change. Go up to that girl you cant talk to. Hold doors open for people you dont know. Try to smile at people ,because most likely they will smile back. Happiness is contagious. Do something different. Be a difference. Live liek you know what you are leaving. Leave an impact. Be something special. I think i will leave it at that. . . .
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Something new?
I have posted in awhile. been busy with lots of things with college and all that jazz. Finished my first week of college this week. It was pretty cool, but i can tell im going to go nuts once december rolls around. umm nothing too special is going on. my roommate went to a party, my friends went to a party, and im bored in my room. But whatever its cool (not in the temperature sense but im sweaty right now even though it hasnt been hot recently.) I dont know what eklse tosay. I wrote a song the other day. i like. i basically have it memorized. If anyone wants to ask me questions about what im doing/college life or any random mumbo-jumbo, im all ears and ill probably answer. so yea thats about it.
Peace 'n' Love
Peace 'n' Love
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
11:59 is more than an album
Hey everyone! i know I have posted in a long time. I probably will post a lot less because school starts in 2 weeks technically, but i move in in a week.
I was thinking about my life while talking to a friend. I was talking about things that annoy me and i came to a certain thought. I can relate to a lot of the times that Ryan Star talks about in his debut album "11:59". I also told the friend before that i have waited more than a year for this album. This album is more than just another album to me. It basically sums up what i did, what i am doing, and what i need to do. So i shall go song by song and explain it in context to myself. This is more than just another album to me.
Brand New Day- "I've stayed in one place for too long, gotta get on the run again." I've been in NJ too long i think. Ive grown tired of the things that natives here call home. i see new things but still i need to get to a new place. This place doesnt fit me that much. I've lived here for eight years but i got to get on the run again. The chorus explains what i need to do. I need a sign, i need time to slow down when i move on so i can make myself into who i want to be. i want to accomplish my dream. and with everyday a new dream and life is opened. "Lets open our eyes to the brand new day"
Right Now- This has the idea of "carpe diem" written all over it. and when i opened my senior year with this song, i sort of failed to do that up until this summer. i knew i was gonna go away out of state, so i need to make the best of whats to come. "All we ever have is here right now, I'm where i want to be" This summer ive been to 5 concerts, and played 5 shows. Ive done things that i wanted to, lived in the moment. i feel like i needed to do that, because for awhile now i know i wont be able to. there is nothing anyone can do to stop me, i need to live my life for what i want to do.
Last Train Home- This song basically made me enjoy and continue to listen to Ryan. Its just honest, and leaves me with a happy/melancholy feeling. Its for the girl of my dream, the girl that i love yet the one i dont know yet/havent met. wait for me. ill be worth it. wait me for, just believe. this song is so incredible to me, whether live, rocked up, recorded or acoustic. it means so much to me
Breathe- This is a song that meant a lot to me, then became a single. If you know me, singles become despised by me. my least favorite songs off albums become singles. But if i take a step back, and actually listen to it, its a wonderful song. I know my life is to help people, and this song basically sums up that. i want to help people breathe, and "take the world off their shoulder and put it on me"
We Might Fall- This is a mix between live in the moment/future love song. i want to watch the world around me "live and die" and just enjoy the place i am at. But also telling a love that we might fall, but well get back up and make it somehow. we may not have much, but love is all that counts.
This Could Be the Year- The title sums it up, this could be the day. I could be made or be broken this day. Live in the moment its all you have. Dont let anyone take you down
Unbreak- This song goes with "Breathe" Help people, "unbreak" them, make them have a better life, and dont take anything from it.
Start a Fire- This is just a fun song to listen to. Its my only "club"-ish song i would listen to. The chorus is fun, just an all-around fun song.
Losing Your Memory- This song really really caught onto me last night. Im leaving. Tell everyone. This is most likely the end of my life in this area/time. People need to accept it, pretend that they want it, because most likely they do, dont react, just continue living your life. Its done, its over with, "the damage is done", things could have happened bad or good, but in the end im moving on. Everyone will "lose their memory" of me. Beach is cold at winter, i wake in somewhere else, remember when i leave, this is how goodbyes are gonna be, bitter but sweet. i kinda want to stay because of friends, but i need to keep my dream inside of me alive. i need to still move on, see new areas, get known somewhere else. Wake up, its time. just remember me the days after i leave
11:59- Dont leave, this could be the best night of our lives tonight. Live in the moment. Be who you are, become your dreams. Love the people around you. im waiting for my future love to take me away, yet she holds locket and waiting for me. I need to find who i am, and live in that moment.
As 11:59 approaches, i think about what Ryan Star says. "11:59 A moment of greatness. A moment when you are exactly who and where you want to be. Whats your 11:59?" My 11:59 is music. When i make songs, people enjoy it,and get it. they can relate like i relate to Ryan's album. When i play shows, close my eyes, im singing for myself and God, with others who seem to be there. I let go, find my 11:59. These songs mean more to me than just more words and notes. They mean something, strike a chord with me. Its more than just another artist with another album. Its Ryan Star's 11:59.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
I was thinking about my life while talking to a friend. I was talking about things that annoy me and i came to a certain thought. I can relate to a lot of the times that Ryan Star talks about in his debut album "11:59". I also told the friend before that i have waited more than a year for this album. This album is more than just another album to me. It basically sums up what i did, what i am doing, and what i need to do. So i shall go song by song and explain it in context to myself. This is more than just another album to me.
Brand New Day- "I've stayed in one place for too long, gotta get on the run again." I've been in NJ too long i think. Ive grown tired of the things that natives here call home. i see new things but still i need to get to a new place. This place doesnt fit me that much. I've lived here for eight years but i got to get on the run again. The chorus explains what i need to do. I need a sign, i need time to slow down when i move on so i can make myself into who i want to be. i want to accomplish my dream. and with everyday a new dream and life is opened. "Lets open our eyes to the brand new day"
Right Now- This has the idea of "carpe diem" written all over it. and when i opened my senior year with this song, i sort of failed to do that up until this summer. i knew i was gonna go away out of state, so i need to make the best of whats to come. "All we ever have is here right now, I'm where i want to be" This summer ive been to 5 concerts, and played 5 shows. Ive done things that i wanted to, lived in the moment. i feel like i needed to do that, because for awhile now i know i wont be able to. there is nothing anyone can do to stop me, i need to live my life for what i want to do.
Last Train Home- This song basically made me enjoy and continue to listen to Ryan. Its just honest, and leaves me with a happy/melancholy feeling. Its for the girl of my dream, the girl that i love yet the one i dont know yet/havent met. wait for me. ill be worth it. wait me for, just believe. this song is so incredible to me, whether live, rocked up, recorded or acoustic. it means so much to me
Breathe- This is a song that meant a lot to me, then became a single. If you know me, singles become despised by me. my least favorite songs off albums become singles. But if i take a step back, and actually listen to it, its a wonderful song. I know my life is to help people, and this song basically sums up that. i want to help people breathe, and "take the world off their shoulder and put it on me"
We Might Fall- This is a mix between live in the moment/future love song. i want to watch the world around me "live and die" and just enjoy the place i am at. But also telling a love that we might fall, but well get back up and make it somehow. we may not have much, but love is all that counts.
This Could Be the Year- The title sums it up, this could be the day. I could be made or be broken this day. Live in the moment its all you have. Dont let anyone take you down
Unbreak- This song goes with "Breathe" Help people, "unbreak" them, make them have a better life, and dont take anything from it.
Start a Fire- This is just a fun song to listen to. Its my only "club"-ish song i would listen to. The chorus is fun, just an all-around fun song.
Losing Your Memory- This song really really caught onto me last night. Im leaving. Tell everyone. This is most likely the end of my life in this area/time. People need to accept it, pretend that they want it, because most likely they do, dont react, just continue living your life. Its done, its over with, "the damage is done", things could have happened bad or good, but in the end im moving on. Everyone will "lose their memory" of me. Beach is cold at winter, i wake in somewhere else, remember when i leave, this is how goodbyes are gonna be, bitter but sweet. i kinda want to stay because of friends, but i need to keep my dream inside of me alive. i need to still move on, see new areas, get known somewhere else. Wake up, its time. just remember me the days after i leave
11:59- Dont leave, this could be the best night of our lives tonight. Live in the moment. Be who you are, become your dreams. Love the people around you. im waiting for my future love to take me away, yet she holds locket and waiting for me. I need to find who i am, and live in that moment.
As 11:59 approaches, i think about what Ryan Star says. "11:59 A moment of greatness. A moment when you are exactly who and where you want to be. Whats your 11:59?" My 11:59 is music. When i make songs, people enjoy it,and get it. they can relate like i relate to Ryan's album. When i play shows, close my eyes, im singing for myself and God, with others who seem to be there. I let go, find my 11:59. These songs mean more to me than just more words and notes. They mean something, strike a chord with me. Its more than just another artist with another album. Its Ryan Star's 11:59.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Reflections on the dawn
I wrote this about 3 weeks ago. Hope you like it.
The break of dawn, I find it interesting. You start to see the glimmer of the sun's rays start to come out and breech the darkness. The Clouds are still dark and the stars can still be seen but for how long? It's also pretty nice to drive early in the morning. No one is on the road, no hectic traffic or annoying drivers. You start to feel at peace with yourself because it's you, your car, and the road. The road will always be there.
You wake up early, turn on the lights, and your eyes begin to hurt. And you can smell the fresh air coming in through your window to start the new day soon. You jump out of bed, get dressed, and then hit the road. The place you travel through every day feels so different all of a sudden, like new life was given to it. New life was given to yourself that morning. We die with the night then we are given new life with the dawn. Maybe I should spend more mornings like this.
The rattle of the keys, the smell of the air, and the rays finally breaking through the sky. I like the dawn. It reminds me of how every day I am given a second chance to live. And I will always be grateful for that. Maybe I should come and visit the dawn more often.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
The break of dawn, I find it interesting. You start to see the glimmer of the sun's rays start to come out and breech the darkness. The Clouds are still dark and the stars can still be seen but for how long? It's also pretty nice to drive early in the morning. No one is on the road, no hectic traffic or annoying drivers. You start to feel at peace with yourself because it's you, your car, and the road. The road will always be there.
You wake up early, turn on the lights, and your eyes begin to hurt. And you can smell the fresh air coming in through your window to start the new day soon. You jump out of bed, get dressed, and then hit the road. The place you travel through every day feels so different all of a sudden, like new life was given to it. New life was given to yourself that morning. We die with the night then we are given new life with the dawn. Maybe I should spend more mornings like this.
The rattle of the keys, the smell of the air, and the rays finally breaking through the sky. I like the dawn. It reminds me of how every day I am given a second chance to live. And I will always be grateful for that. Maybe I should come and visit the dawn more often.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Well you see. . . .
I've been failing so far with my poem-a-day thing. i just like stopped. its bad. and i stopped reading a little bit every day. i feel bad. but alas, i shall start it up again! So here is a poem i wrote today so i can start up again.
Everything is going to change
I can feel it deep down
down in my soul
My heart weakens
due to this thought
My eyes will see
so many different things
Things i called to see
But maybe its not what I want
Like when they meet the Doctor
They know that things won't be the same
and they can't go back
Life is fragile
But all I say to myself is
Get ready for this
Get ready for this
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Everything is going to change
I can feel it deep down
down in my soul
My heart weakens
due to this thought
My eyes will see
so many different things
Things i called to see
But maybe its not what I want
Like when they meet the Doctor
They know that things won't be the same
and they can't go back
Life is fragile
But all I say to myself is
Get ready for this
Get ready for this
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Something new
So i decided to do something new and somewhat creative for once. Well i know at one point Jon Foreman was writing a song a day just to do it (sorta). So im not doing that. Im writing a poem a day until a certain time, then i think im going to start doing the song a day. Just to get the creative juices pumping before i go to college, and i have been lacking on the songs too.
So heres day 2 of this. I label them/name them by the day i wrote them. So this one is called "6/16/10"
"Remember that death is not the end
But only a transition" *
Oh how this is true in our lives
But how worried would I be if I knew
That this terrible thing had happened
to you oh I would tear
so much I wouldnt know what to
think about all the things
we conversed and listened to each other
about even though the seperation between us
grows at times I will still be afraid
to lose a great friend and someone to
care for you are a bright star
a star in the sky of a better place
in a place where people sing and rejoice
* Lyrics from "Fatal Tragedy" by Dream Theater
Peace 'n' love
Mike
So heres day 2 of this. I label them/name them by the day i wrote them. So this one is called "6/16/10"
"Remember that death is not the end
But only a transition" *
Oh how this is true in our lives
But how worried would I be if I knew
That this terrible thing had happened
to you oh I would tear
so much I wouldnt know what to
think about all the things
we conversed and listened to each other
about even though the seperation between us
grows at times I will still be afraid
to lose a great friend and someone to
care for you are a bright star
a star in the sky of a better place
in a place where people sing and rejoice
* Lyrics from "Fatal Tragedy" by Dream Theater
Peace 'n' love
Mike
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The City
Here is a poem i wrote while looking out at New York City, New Jersey, The Statue of Liberty, and Ellis Island. It is called "the City"
Oh beautiful city
How I love thee
But, in time I will not know
If your windy brother will take over my love
For I will be closer to him
Rather than you, one day
Your lights are enticing
As much as his trains
And different style of life
For both of you still come from the same woman
That Lady Liberty I always see in the distance
To remind me of my home
(or lack there of but i dont know)
That i am proud
To be where i am
To understand so much
And to know so little about you
For my banner will always be the one
The one for which the colors are branded on me
For beauty will always be yours
Peace 'n' love
Mike
Oh beautiful city
How I love thee
But, in time I will not know
If your windy brother will take over my love
For I will be closer to him
Rather than you, one day
Your lights are enticing
As much as his trains
And different style of life
For both of you still come from the same woman
That Lady Liberty I always see in the distance
To remind me of my home
(or lack there of but i dont know)
That i am proud
To be where i am
To understand so much
And to know so little about you
For my banner will always be the one
The one for which the colors are branded on me
For beauty will always be yours
Peace 'n' love
Mike
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Dear __________:
I got this idea from lee. it is anonymous to who they are to. so yea i will start
Dear 1: What the hell happened to you? We used to be good friends, we used to talk to alot of other people then you became involved with the wrong people and where are you now? I dont even wanna think about what the hell happened? Like no offense your life seems so screwed up, and i cant do anyhting about it because you wont talk to any of us
Dear 2: You seem to just want to be distant friends who occasionally talk. im still trying to be nice, but i realized its pointless so good luck in college and your life. I will still try to stay in contact though
Dear 3: I'm sorry im messed up. I cant get these feelings straight. I know youre probably confused, or just dont want these feelings, but at times i cant control them. At times ill be like "i want to be with you forever" then there are times where i'm like "youre just my friend" and then times when i sin and say "you are way too good for me why would someone as great as you be with someone as low as me?" its just confusing. i wish i was one, had one face, and didnt go back and forth. maybe its because im not with you at all, i dont get to see you thats why this is happening. I'm just confused. i wish i could be true and honest to you but my emotions have different faces. i dont get to talk to you any more. i know you have a busy life, and are trying to relax for the summer so thats why we talk less than we talked during school. i dont know, like my song i showed you "im just a broken man" i know you have a feeling that i like you, but im confused on your tone of that statement you told her (yea she told me what you wrote because i am in fact nosy, you arent) i did write a couple of songs for you. i did take elements of our relationship and put them in songs, but made them fables. i do care for you deep down inside, i dont know why, but i think God has a special place in my heart for you to be there. Just at times, i miss His voice and direction. "and i will say im true to you, but im a cheat and i dont understand" have you heard the saying "a girls heart has to be so lost in God that a guy must go to God first to get her heart" i feel like i have to do that. Not only for you, but for stability and peace in my life. I'm here now because of God, and i still need to search for Him more. Maybe if i search and accept Him more, he will lead me to consistent feelings in the woman He has planned for me as my wife. I feel like im rambling on right now. But you want to know what i said to her about you and stuff. Well what she said was a beginning. Here is the now. Here is everything that you want to know. If you have questions just ask me. i will honest. life is too short to hide feelings and beat around the bush. but im not gonna lie im confused about my feelings (sorry for redundancy) But i know you want to know, but you wont read this. But here you are. There you go. "And now my heart is an open book for all to see" But for you, i think its quite ok.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Dear 1: What the hell happened to you? We used to be good friends, we used to talk to alot of other people then you became involved with the wrong people and where are you now? I dont even wanna think about what the hell happened? Like no offense your life seems so screwed up, and i cant do anyhting about it because you wont talk to any of us
Dear 2: You seem to just want to be distant friends who occasionally talk. im still trying to be nice, but i realized its pointless so good luck in college and your life. I will still try to stay in contact though
Dear 3: I'm sorry im messed up. I cant get these feelings straight. I know youre probably confused, or just dont want these feelings, but at times i cant control them. At times ill be like "i want to be with you forever" then there are times where i'm like "youre just my friend" and then times when i sin and say "you are way too good for me why would someone as great as you be with someone as low as me?" its just confusing. i wish i was one, had one face, and didnt go back and forth. maybe its because im not with you at all, i dont get to see you thats why this is happening. I'm just confused. i wish i could be true and honest to you but my emotions have different faces. i dont get to talk to you any more. i know you have a busy life, and are trying to relax for the summer so thats why we talk less than we talked during school. i dont know, like my song i showed you "im just a broken man" i know you have a feeling that i like you, but im confused on your tone of that statement you told her (yea she told me what you wrote because i am in fact nosy, you arent) i did write a couple of songs for you. i did take elements of our relationship and put them in songs, but made them fables. i do care for you deep down inside, i dont know why, but i think God has a special place in my heart for you to be there. Just at times, i miss His voice and direction. "and i will say im true to you, but im a cheat and i dont understand" have you heard the saying "a girls heart has to be so lost in God that a guy must go to God first to get her heart" i feel like i have to do that. Not only for you, but for stability and peace in my life. I'm here now because of God, and i still need to search for Him more. Maybe if i search and accept Him more, he will lead me to consistent feelings in the woman He has planned for me as my wife. I feel like im rambling on right now. But you want to know what i said to her about you and stuff. Well what she said was a beginning. Here is the now. Here is everything that you want to know. If you have questions just ask me. i will honest. life is too short to hide feelings and beat around the bush. but im not gonna lie im confused about my feelings (sorry for redundancy) But i know you want to know, but you wont read this. But here you are. There you go. "And now my heart is an open book for all to see" But for you, i think its quite ok.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Can I run away and not return?
i just wrote this song
can i run away and not return
will you miss me in any way
because i dont know whats worth it
i run down the stairs and out the door
i leave without one question
i look ay tje stars and say maybe this needs to be done
[c]because whats worthwhile
i just dont know
and ill be gone anyway
so whats the point?
i want someone to come home to
but maybe it just wont happen
and i can run from myself and everything i am
look out the window into the past
regretting every bit of everything
but maybe this needs to be done
[c]
can i run away and not return?
just do me this one favor all the while
dont miss me too much in any way
can i run away and not return
will you miss me in any way
because i dont know whats worth it
i run down the stairs and out the door
i leave without one question
i look ay tje stars and say maybe this needs to be done
[c]because whats worthwhile
i just dont know
and ill be gone anyway
so whats the point?
i want someone to come home to
but maybe it just wont happen
and i can run from myself and everything i am
look out the window into the past
regretting every bit of everything
but maybe this needs to be done
[c]
can i run away and not return?
just do me this one favor all the while
dont miss me too much in any way
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Some thoughts
I wrote an intro for this it didnt fit. I wrote a sentence to this but it didnt fit. I guess it should just be out already thats a thought.
give me one good reason to believe i'm not alone. i will wait for you to answer me
give me one good reason to believe i'm not alone. i will wait for you to answer me
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I had a good idea but. . . .
Well i was thinking in my english class that i should write a blog post. I was thinking, "you know i could do it on time. I could say how us humans just make up time for ourselves. No one else said this is right or wrong. For all we know we could be wrong with time because to be honest wont man-made things are normally wrong. Time is just an expression of something we cannot comprehend. This will be a really good blog post, people will actually read it and comment, and find it interesting." But alas i sit here. I'm saying how it will be a good idea when in reality it is just a concept. A concept that may come up later, but may not come up later. knowing myself it will not come up later. But feel free to comment your opinions on time and such matters.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Friday, May 7, 2010
Reflections on forgetting and not slowing down
If you get the title, you will realize what this will be about. But if you dont get it, i will just tell you. This is a album review on "Forget and Not Slow Down" by Relient K. It is more of a relfection on it then a review but i hope you will enjoy and understand the things that i will be saying. I will go track by track and i will try my best not to jump around.
1. Forget and Not Slow Down- Before i actually got the physical copy of this, i listened to the whole album on youtube, and this song was an instant like for me. Just something about it made me like it. And from previous knowledge, i knew Matt Thiessen, the frontman, went through a troubling relationship, because of him breaking up with his fiancée and things like that going down. So this song kind of has to do with that. He wants to forget and not slow down from his life and not regret his past. I believe he believes that God makes us go through certain things for certain reasons, which i believe too. One line that really strikes me is "I could spend my life just trying to sift through what i couldve done better but what good do what if's do" What if. we say that to ourselves all the time. But i think its better to forget about the what ifs and keep going on wiht our life. Forget them and not slow down.
2. I Don't Need a Soul- I also read a review for this album before i bought it too. This guy wrote like a real in-depth review of this album. It was really crazy but good. But the one thing i got from it was that this was a break-up album. I think it is, and this song really reflects that. Forget and Not slown Down goes perfectly into this song, like a hot knife through butter its that good. (i know bad analogy you can get over it =P) When i first listened to this song, the thing that struck me was "what are these sirens Matt is talking about?" Is he talking about the sirens from his life, metaphorical ones about his break-up? or is he literally talking about hearing sirens in the middle of the night outside of his house/apartment? He then says he feels everything dying at the pivot point of himself. Inside himself, he feels everything crumbling around him, most likely because of a huge break up like that. But he still realized he could have it worse. Then the pre-chorus, to say, he realizes that life still goes on, because "the sun stil lburns the shadows out, and there's nothing to complain about now" When you first hear the title you think, he doesnt need a soul? well doesnt everyone need a soul? but he says he doesnt need a soul to hold. He doesnt need a wife or girlfriend to make his life good. He just needs to realize that life will still be beautiful without that person. More break-up lines, that dont seem all to mushy when you listen to the song, "I miss you now, i loved you, and i know things could be worse"
3. Candlelight/Flare- This is a love song about beauty. I like it, its catchy and fun to sing. But once again i suspect this was written about his ex-fiancée. "She's a lady, I'm the tramp" "She's like an ancient artifact, something you're lucky to have found" The chorus is fun. He talks about how she is so beautiful that moths are drawn to her light (her beauty) And that she outshines everyone else in his eyes. "she's almost brighter than the sun, it seems to me to be unfair, when you consider everyone who pales when they compare" thats a cool line he makes that really shows how beautiful she must have been to him. "It's not unfair when you compare the one who's fairest of the fair"
4. Part of It/Outro- This is a break-up song also, a little more of an angry one though. He is kinda yelling at her for saying that things fell apart, and she definetely should know why. But its not the end of the world beacuse this happened to Matt. They are both part of society and that they both should carry on. He gives great advice through this song though. "when a nightmare does enfold, perspective is a lovely hand to hold." When bad things happen to us, it is always good to know how you will react and how you will know things after that disaster. I believe even though it is a break-up song, he realizes he will learn greatly from this.
5. Therapy- Ah this song. I like this one a lot. He starts it off with a description of him driving off into the unknown with just the close he woke up in. Is this a metaphor, or literal? I think its both. I think he wanted to clear his mind and just think, so he drove around with music playing through his stereo. Metaphorical hes driving to get far away from what happened so he can take an outside look on it and learn from it. Because after all this driving could be his therapy. OR this song could be his therapy. OR Just learning from this and trying to heal is his therapy. He realizes that life always changes, always transitioning. He realizes that it is good to be let down at times because it keeps you in check about whats important in life and what isnt. Another point he brings up rather briefly, but worth mentioning, is his references to solitude and loneliness. He believes there is a great difference to them, because solitude you can feel peace or try to achieve it and clear your mind. On the other hand, loneliness is very painful and burdensome. He spends his solitude with You, which to me references God and trying to ask for His help to help Matt get through this. He realizes that God is the only one who will listen to him no matter what happens, and God will always do what is right in Matt's life. "You wont take my calls and that makes God the only one who's left here listening" He will always have faith in God to listen to him.
6. Over it- He first starts this with stating that he will never know who he completely is. He might change into someone else, but he has no clue to who he is now. I think this is from the break-up. It his life in pieces, and he has to start at the beginning: who am i? Even the title shows the effect of the break-up. He is just saying that he is over it. He also starts from the start by saying "i dont know whats over just yet" He gets a little angry a bit later on because he says to her "You dont know the magnitude of what youre about to lose." But the God theme from the last song comes into ply again for a couple of lines. "I'm guarded therefore i can endure, just a little bit more, just a little bit more". He realizes with God's help he can keep going on and endure life a bit more. Also he could reference the Passion of Jesus. Jesus fell many times carrying the cross, yet He endured and kept going on. Maybe thats a little bit of a stretch, but he knows God can help him. "its still an attempt to stay ego-less while self-assured"
7. Sahara- This was the first song i heard from this album. My friend showed me it because of the medley of singers Relient K uses in the bridge. So one day after hearing it about 5 months ago, i decided to listen to it again. I actually read the lyrics and found that this is an intense song. Another angry-ish songs like "Part of It" but i think this is more. Even the tone of the guitars from the first second, is a hard tone. He is angry, lying on his side. He references the metaphorical hell he is going through as the Sahara, hence the name of the song. He makes a lot of references to the landscape and the animals. The dunes he hides under, the lion (which will be discussed later), the birds of prey. He gives you the imagery of this landscape and brings it into his life. He asks one thing, in an angry, almost yelling tone, to his friends. Dont turn me loose. Dont turn me loose even when i get angry and yell. dont turn me loose even when i turn my back on you. I think in a sense he is saying this to his ex-fiancée. She turned her back on him, and he didnt let her go, so dont turn him loose when he turns his back on her. The lion, as forementioned, could symbolize many things in this song, and through the album. In this song, the lion could be referencing Jesus, because at times in scripture He is mentioned as the lion. Jesus was condemned to die, and his crown was taken down. THe birds of prey that he talks about feasting on the crown could be the Roman soliders taught Jesus and beating him. Also the Jews could be symbolized as the birds of prey because they also slung insults at Jesus on the way of the cross. Jesus was abandoned by all of his disciples, and dethroned. Matt relates himself to Jesus, beacuse he says "believe me i know all about that now." Maybe he is feeling the part of the sting that Jesus had felt. In the album sense, the lion could be himself. He felt high and mighty, yet he was dethroned by this tradegy. Later on i will discuss more of this. The bridge starts the medley of voices that makes this song just that awesome. "I never told you then that i would be easy to love, supposedly i'm a man but i felt like a cub, i wandered into the plains further and father away, never knowing if i'll ever come back the same, as my organs gave way i swear i felt something burst, its been 13 days and i been dying of thirst, for the birds of prey i pray that someone else will get here first" The words speak for themselves, except the plains and birds of prey. The plains are the hard times in life that he goes through, never knowing how they will effect him. The birds if prey could be the insulters to him. The ones making fun or laughing at him. He hopes that someone better than them will get to him. "I am not alone, i'll be alright, just take these bones and bring them back to life" He once again asks God for favors. He realizes that God is with him, and that he has people to support him, but he just needs a push to bring his bones back to life. And this song ends great with Matt MacDonald yelling the last line "even when i turn my back!"
8. Oasis/Savannah/Baby- This is another love song that Matt puts in here. I guess he had to put a light hearted song in between the two harder rock songs that are before and follow it. Savannah could either be the symbol for a person or could be a symbol for the city or the state (Georgia) or the region. He says that Savannah, whichever one it may be, sum up perfection like a handbook, and that God knows how perfect those things are. Everything made sense when Savannah was around. The outro of this song "Baby" makes me think this is more about his ex-fiancée. The last line of it says, "everything made sense when you were with me" from my knowledge, i know she left him, so he is missing the sense of wholeness he felt when she was around.
9. If you Believe Me- Matt says a line, "i wanted to say it was you" He realtes alot of things in this song to his ex-fiancée. He wants to believe that things were because of her. He fell in love and wanted to say it was her, but he cant because she left him and now he is a bit bitter. if she stayed with him, they could have been together for a long time, and been happy together. He also says that believing him would mean that she would have to disbelieve herself. She needs to let herself down, and trust in him. One thing i guess happened to Matt was that he would always wonder what she would be thinking. He says that she knows that he thinks about her a decent amount and that he thinks about what she thinks. And because of this fact, she will remember him because she wonders if he is thinking about her. Confusing it may sound, but it can be simplified. He thinks about what she thinks, then she thinks if he starts to think about her. This makes Matt invade her mind and still be there when he really isnt. He wants to believe her but she has her hand in everything so it would turn out the way she wants. Bitter words from Mr. Thiessen here, but hes angry. That is how he felt. He was hurt. I dont blame him.
10. This is the End/ (If You Want It)- "I cant keep a straight face and say this is not the end" He realizes that this has effected him greatly and he cant say it hasnt with a straight face. He doesnt want it to be the end yet he knows it has to be. He wants his ex-fiancée to think about where she wants to go. This is the end if she wants it. He's been hurt before, "loved and lost", and "took the fire escape and made it out alive" He still gets hurt from this but God helps him. He has the God theme come back because he has "a healing hand against my side" The side could also represent Jesus again. Jesus was stabbed in the side when on the cross. His stabbing could have been this break-up and God has his healing hand on it. He says if he was rushed on, he was sorry. He had his hopes up, started to pack his stuff, then things frayed. He wanted to move on, and not stay in those cardboard boxes everything in his life was in. He again references God in a "You" sense. He talks about his ex-fiancée for the main part, then he starts talking about "You taking me home" he couldnt be talking about her. well he isnt. He is talking to God to help heal him and take him home, like his family believes, like his father believes. Saying his father has more of a significance, but i dont know him that much to tell you that now. Maybe he died, and God took him. I dont know. Maybe ill find out later. But half way through he switches back to talking to his ex-fiancée. "This is the end if you want it" Matt then states what he has been doing. He has been hurt from the break-up and he trying to convince himself that he was more to live up to then this. More to live out in this life. The next part struck me. "I met the devil and i stared her in the eye" I heard this and said "No he didnt" I was caught off guard by this, calling his ex-fiancée the devil, and how her beauty mesmorized him. He ends the song with metaphoricallt crawling back home, to being better and stable in his life. "nourished back to life by life alone" He had life shown into his eyes, and he got better and his life improved. "With one shake of the mane regain the throne" He has the lion symbol again, which this time directly symbolizes himself. He was on his side in "Sahara" but not he shakes his mane once again, gives out a large roar, and regains his life and the throne.
Yes this is a break-up album. But it has good music in it. Its not a mushy break-up album that can get really annoying. But its honest. Brutality honest that you can hear his emotions and the way he was feeling from the lyrics and the singing. Its music that Matt Thiessen needed to get by in his life. He needed it for his "therapy". He went through the "Sahara" then through the "Oasis" and then regained the control of his life with "a shake of the mane". Honest. Raw. Emotional. Good. This is a very good album. Matt realizes that he'd "rather forget and not slow down then gather regret for things [he] can't change now". He wants to be who he wants to be and trust in God to lead him there. "Pour over me and wash my hands of it"
1. Forget and Not Slow Down- Before i actually got the physical copy of this, i listened to the whole album on youtube, and this song was an instant like for me. Just something about it made me like it. And from previous knowledge, i knew Matt Thiessen, the frontman, went through a troubling relationship, because of him breaking up with his fiancée and things like that going down. So this song kind of has to do with that. He wants to forget and not slow down from his life and not regret his past. I believe he believes that God makes us go through certain things for certain reasons, which i believe too. One line that really strikes me is "I could spend my life just trying to sift through what i couldve done better but what good do what if's do" What if. we say that to ourselves all the time. But i think its better to forget about the what ifs and keep going on wiht our life. Forget them and not slow down.
2. I Don't Need a Soul- I also read a review for this album before i bought it too. This guy wrote like a real in-depth review of this album. It was really crazy but good. But the one thing i got from it was that this was a break-up album. I think it is, and this song really reflects that. Forget and Not slown Down goes perfectly into this song, like a hot knife through butter its that good. (i know bad analogy you can get over it =P) When i first listened to this song, the thing that struck me was "what are these sirens Matt is talking about?" Is he talking about the sirens from his life, metaphorical ones about his break-up? or is he literally talking about hearing sirens in the middle of the night outside of his house/apartment? He then says he feels everything dying at the pivot point of himself. Inside himself, he feels everything crumbling around him, most likely because of a huge break up like that. But he still realized he could have it worse. Then the pre-chorus, to say, he realizes that life still goes on, because "the sun stil lburns the shadows out, and there's nothing to complain about now" When you first hear the title you think, he doesnt need a soul? well doesnt everyone need a soul? but he says he doesnt need a soul to hold. He doesnt need a wife or girlfriend to make his life good. He just needs to realize that life will still be beautiful without that person. More break-up lines, that dont seem all to mushy when you listen to the song, "I miss you now, i loved you, and i know things could be worse"
3. Candlelight/Flare- This is a love song about beauty. I like it, its catchy and fun to sing. But once again i suspect this was written about his ex-fiancée. "She's a lady, I'm the tramp" "She's like an ancient artifact, something you're lucky to have found" The chorus is fun. He talks about how she is so beautiful that moths are drawn to her light (her beauty) And that she outshines everyone else in his eyes. "she's almost brighter than the sun, it seems to me to be unfair, when you consider everyone who pales when they compare" thats a cool line he makes that really shows how beautiful she must have been to him. "It's not unfair when you compare the one who's fairest of the fair"
4. Part of It/Outro- This is a break-up song also, a little more of an angry one though. He is kinda yelling at her for saying that things fell apart, and she definetely should know why. But its not the end of the world beacuse this happened to Matt. They are both part of society and that they both should carry on. He gives great advice through this song though. "when a nightmare does enfold, perspective is a lovely hand to hold." When bad things happen to us, it is always good to know how you will react and how you will know things after that disaster. I believe even though it is a break-up song, he realizes he will learn greatly from this.
5. Therapy- Ah this song. I like this one a lot. He starts it off with a description of him driving off into the unknown with just the close he woke up in. Is this a metaphor, or literal? I think its both. I think he wanted to clear his mind and just think, so he drove around with music playing through his stereo. Metaphorical hes driving to get far away from what happened so he can take an outside look on it and learn from it. Because after all this driving could be his therapy. OR this song could be his therapy. OR Just learning from this and trying to heal is his therapy. He realizes that life always changes, always transitioning. He realizes that it is good to be let down at times because it keeps you in check about whats important in life and what isnt. Another point he brings up rather briefly, but worth mentioning, is his references to solitude and loneliness. He believes there is a great difference to them, because solitude you can feel peace or try to achieve it and clear your mind. On the other hand, loneliness is very painful and burdensome. He spends his solitude with You, which to me references God and trying to ask for His help to help Matt get through this. He realizes that God is the only one who will listen to him no matter what happens, and God will always do what is right in Matt's life. "You wont take my calls and that makes God the only one who's left here listening" He will always have faith in God to listen to him.
6. Over it- He first starts this with stating that he will never know who he completely is. He might change into someone else, but he has no clue to who he is now. I think this is from the break-up. It his life in pieces, and he has to start at the beginning: who am i? Even the title shows the effect of the break-up. He is just saying that he is over it. He also starts from the start by saying "i dont know whats over just yet" He gets a little angry a bit later on because he says to her "You dont know the magnitude of what youre about to lose." But the God theme from the last song comes into ply again for a couple of lines. "I'm guarded therefore i can endure, just a little bit more, just a little bit more". He realizes with God's help he can keep going on and endure life a bit more. Also he could reference the Passion of Jesus. Jesus fell many times carrying the cross, yet He endured and kept going on. Maybe thats a little bit of a stretch, but he knows God can help him. "its still an attempt to stay ego-less while self-assured"
7. Sahara- This was the first song i heard from this album. My friend showed me it because of the medley of singers Relient K uses in the bridge. So one day after hearing it about 5 months ago, i decided to listen to it again. I actually read the lyrics and found that this is an intense song. Another angry-ish songs like "Part of It" but i think this is more. Even the tone of the guitars from the first second, is a hard tone. He is angry, lying on his side. He references the metaphorical hell he is going through as the Sahara, hence the name of the song. He makes a lot of references to the landscape and the animals. The dunes he hides under, the lion (which will be discussed later), the birds of prey. He gives you the imagery of this landscape and brings it into his life. He asks one thing, in an angry, almost yelling tone, to his friends. Dont turn me loose. Dont turn me loose even when i get angry and yell. dont turn me loose even when i turn my back on you. I think in a sense he is saying this to his ex-fiancée. She turned her back on him, and he didnt let her go, so dont turn him loose when he turns his back on her. The lion, as forementioned, could symbolize many things in this song, and through the album. In this song, the lion could be referencing Jesus, because at times in scripture He is mentioned as the lion. Jesus was condemned to die, and his crown was taken down. THe birds of prey that he talks about feasting on the crown could be the Roman soliders taught Jesus and beating him. Also the Jews could be symbolized as the birds of prey because they also slung insults at Jesus on the way of the cross. Jesus was abandoned by all of his disciples, and dethroned. Matt relates himself to Jesus, beacuse he says "believe me i know all about that now." Maybe he is feeling the part of the sting that Jesus had felt. In the album sense, the lion could be himself. He felt high and mighty, yet he was dethroned by this tradegy. Later on i will discuss more of this. The bridge starts the medley of voices that makes this song just that awesome. "I never told you then that i would be easy to love, supposedly i'm a man but i felt like a cub, i wandered into the plains further and father away, never knowing if i'll ever come back the same, as my organs gave way i swear i felt something burst, its been 13 days and i been dying of thirst, for the birds of prey i pray that someone else will get here first" The words speak for themselves, except the plains and birds of prey. The plains are the hard times in life that he goes through, never knowing how they will effect him. The birds if prey could be the insulters to him. The ones making fun or laughing at him. He hopes that someone better than them will get to him. "I am not alone, i'll be alright, just take these bones and bring them back to life" He once again asks God for favors. He realizes that God is with him, and that he has people to support him, but he just needs a push to bring his bones back to life. And this song ends great with Matt MacDonald yelling the last line "even when i turn my back!"
8. Oasis/Savannah/Baby- This is another love song that Matt puts in here. I guess he had to put a light hearted song in between the two harder rock songs that are before and follow it. Savannah could either be the symbol for a person or could be a symbol for the city or the state (Georgia) or the region. He says that Savannah, whichever one it may be, sum up perfection like a handbook, and that God knows how perfect those things are. Everything made sense when Savannah was around. The outro of this song "Baby" makes me think this is more about his ex-fiancée. The last line of it says, "everything made sense when you were with me" from my knowledge, i know she left him, so he is missing the sense of wholeness he felt when she was around.
9. If you Believe Me- Matt says a line, "i wanted to say it was you" He realtes alot of things in this song to his ex-fiancée. He wants to believe that things were because of her. He fell in love and wanted to say it was her, but he cant because she left him and now he is a bit bitter. if she stayed with him, they could have been together for a long time, and been happy together. He also says that believing him would mean that she would have to disbelieve herself. She needs to let herself down, and trust in him. One thing i guess happened to Matt was that he would always wonder what she would be thinking. He says that she knows that he thinks about her a decent amount and that he thinks about what she thinks. And because of this fact, she will remember him because she wonders if he is thinking about her. Confusing it may sound, but it can be simplified. He thinks about what she thinks, then she thinks if he starts to think about her. This makes Matt invade her mind and still be there when he really isnt. He wants to believe her but she has her hand in everything so it would turn out the way she wants. Bitter words from Mr. Thiessen here, but hes angry. That is how he felt. He was hurt. I dont blame him.
10. This is the End/ (If You Want It)- "I cant keep a straight face and say this is not the end" He realizes that this has effected him greatly and he cant say it hasnt with a straight face. He doesnt want it to be the end yet he knows it has to be. He wants his ex-fiancée to think about where she wants to go. This is the end if she wants it. He's been hurt before, "loved and lost", and "took the fire escape and made it out alive" He still gets hurt from this but God helps him. He has the God theme come back because he has "a healing hand against my side" The side could also represent Jesus again. Jesus was stabbed in the side when on the cross. His stabbing could have been this break-up and God has his healing hand on it. He says if he was rushed on, he was sorry. He had his hopes up, started to pack his stuff, then things frayed. He wanted to move on, and not stay in those cardboard boxes everything in his life was in. He again references God in a "You" sense. He talks about his ex-fiancée for the main part, then he starts talking about "You taking me home" he couldnt be talking about her. well he isnt. He is talking to God to help heal him and take him home, like his family believes, like his father believes. Saying his father has more of a significance, but i dont know him that much to tell you that now. Maybe he died, and God took him. I dont know. Maybe ill find out later. But half way through he switches back to talking to his ex-fiancée. "This is the end if you want it" Matt then states what he has been doing. He has been hurt from the break-up and he trying to convince himself that he was more to live up to then this. More to live out in this life. The next part struck me. "I met the devil and i stared her in the eye" I heard this and said "No he didnt" I was caught off guard by this, calling his ex-fiancée the devil, and how her beauty mesmorized him. He ends the song with metaphoricallt crawling back home, to being better and stable in his life. "nourished back to life by life alone" He had life shown into his eyes, and he got better and his life improved. "With one shake of the mane regain the throne" He has the lion symbol again, which this time directly symbolizes himself. He was on his side in "Sahara" but not he shakes his mane once again, gives out a large roar, and regains his life and the throne.
Yes this is a break-up album. But it has good music in it. Its not a mushy break-up album that can get really annoying. But its honest. Brutality honest that you can hear his emotions and the way he was feeling from the lyrics and the singing. Its music that Matt Thiessen needed to get by in his life. He needed it for his "therapy". He went through the "Sahara" then through the "Oasis" and then regained the control of his life with "a shake of the mane". Honest. Raw. Emotional. Good. This is a very good album. Matt realizes that he'd "rather forget and not slow down then gather regret for things [he] can't change now". He wants to be who he wants to be and trust in God to lead him there. "Pour over me and wash my hands of it"
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Wondering
This is gonna be a very quick post because i need sleep for the AP Calc test tmrw.
But here is my question. I wonder what its like to lose someone real close that you see and interact with everyday. Like the person you talk to, see everyday, eat with, someone real close, and they just die. I wonder what it feels like to have that happen. . . .
But here is my question. I wonder what its like to lose someone real close that you see and interact with everyday. Like the person you talk to, see everyday, eat with, someone real close, and they just die. I wonder what it feels like to have that happen. . . .
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Reflections on education and school
Normally when i write or talk about school or education, i usually end up ranting and saying how flawed schools and education are and other bad things about it. But this time, its a happy story that I am going to be writing about.
Student Teachers: most people hate them, despise them, think they are horrible teachers. I myself have never been lucky with student teachers. Freshman year i had a math one and she was just awful. Sophomore year i didnt have one. Last year i had one. She was good, but nothing even close to the teacher she replaced for those 3 months. But this year was different. Not only was she very good, but she was also someone fun to talk to, fun to make jokes with, and most important (at least to me) inspiring.
When she first came in, my friend, Chris, was like "good luck with your student teacher". but dumb me didnt realize it was his sister until i saw her. I remember first meeting her at a Switchfoot concert (not un-normal right? =P) Somehow Chris and I went to the same concert, saw each other, hung out with my friends and his sister. She was cool, but i really didnt talk to her that much. A year and a half later, she becomes my student teacher. At first i was kind of worried, will she do well as my normal teacher? will she be good at all or just completely suck? I didnt know what to expect.
She helped my class out a lot with college stuff, telling us about it, what to expect, etc. To be honest, i think she helped us better than any of my other teachers could because she has been to college recently and knows what they want (no offense to my teachers of course) She then taught us our cirriculum (sp?) She did very well. I know she did good, but nothing too specific sticks out in my mind. . . .
Until the one day when she came up to me and commented on my TWLOHA shirt (check them out if you dont know the organization, To Write Love On Her Arms, www.twloha.com) I knew she liked TWLOHA and supported it because Chris had told me last year in our back corner of our math class while we both never paid attention at all. She told me she got kinda jealous of me wearing them because she wanted to wear hers but couldnt. She asked me if i heard about TWLOHA winning the news print commercial thing in USA Today. I told her i did, and we chatted for like 2 minutes about it. then later i realized that she is nice to talk to.
So her last week had came, and i thought well things are going to back to normal in class, depending what you call normal in that class because everything changes everyday in that class. The day before she left she gave us a survey to take out her teaching and comments and concerns and all that jazz. I am always bad at those, so i just tried my best. Even in the comments space (because she asked us to put comments and that "they mean more than any statistic") i put "well i am really bad at these but. . ." and left my comment her being a good teacher and stuff. But that was it. nothing too special besides she was good.
The next day was her last day. I saw her in the hallway before my math class, and i stopped and told her i wore my TWLOHA shirt just to annoy her. But then we ended up talking about TWLOHA shirts in the middle of the hallway while people are shuffling to their next class. Then i had to go, and went to my math class, took a test, and then went to her class. She was doing her last bit of business with the seminar we did a week, i think it was a week, before. My english teacher said the thing we said about the nerve-racking comment of us saying we have no hope for people to change. Deep down inside i do believe people can change, but i guess my mentality at the time of the seminar was in a different place of thinking how people have no lives because of the media (and i quoted "Do you feel" by the rocket summer in that seminar). Then my student teacher said something about people trying to change things. Then she mentions me. "Like Mike there, he's just making a statement by just wearing a shirt. He's just trying to start conversations people never talk about. That is issues of teen depression, suicide, self-inflicted injury." And i just smiled to myself, i kinda got red, but i was happy. It totally made it worth it to wear that shirt that day. Even people in my class later on asked me how to find information about it, which made me happy. I felt like i wasnt alone on supporting what i do, that someone older than me finally understood something i do and why i do it. She later read us a quote from a book and asked us to make a response to it. When i talked, which was 2nd, i just said my mind. i rarely do that in my english class because i am always getting judged for what i said and being graded on it. I felt like i could be open, because of my student teacher, and just speak my mind. And to be honest, that was the first time i think i ever spoke completely about what i think. She also put her e-mail on the board if we ever need someone to vent to, she would be there, and add her on facebook if we wanted to. Only until after we had done talking and the end of the school day was approaching did i realize that i was going to miss her being a presence in my classroom.
I was inspired by her. She meant something to me. She made me realize that there are people in this place who do care about teaching you, helping you, helping other people. I think that survey i took before her last day didnt give the full effect of what she meant to me. She wasnt just another student teacher. She was a person who helped me learn, a person i could talk to, a friend, and a mentor. Thank you for all you have done for me and the class for the past couple of months. I know i will miss you and good luck on all of your travels and endeavours in life. I know you will succeed greatly. And you never know, maybe we could meet up several years later like we did after that concert.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Student Teachers: most people hate them, despise them, think they are horrible teachers. I myself have never been lucky with student teachers. Freshman year i had a math one and she was just awful. Sophomore year i didnt have one. Last year i had one. She was good, but nothing even close to the teacher she replaced for those 3 months. But this year was different. Not only was she very good, but she was also someone fun to talk to, fun to make jokes with, and most important (at least to me) inspiring.
When she first came in, my friend, Chris, was like "good luck with your student teacher". but dumb me didnt realize it was his sister until i saw her. I remember first meeting her at a Switchfoot concert (not un-normal right? =P) Somehow Chris and I went to the same concert, saw each other, hung out with my friends and his sister. She was cool, but i really didnt talk to her that much. A year and a half later, she becomes my student teacher. At first i was kind of worried, will she do well as my normal teacher? will she be good at all or just completely suck? I didnt know what to expect.
She helped my class out a lot with college stuff, telling us about it, what to expect, etc. To be honest, i think she helped us better than any of my other teachers could because she has been to college recently and knows what they want (no offense to my teachers of course) She then taught us our cirriculum (sp?) She did very well. I know she did good, but nothing too specific sticks out in my mind. . . .
Until the one day when she came up to me and commented on my TWLOHA shirt (check them out if you dont know the organization, To Write Love On Her Arms, www.twloha.com) I knew she liked TWLOHA and supported it because Chris had told me last year in our back corner of our math class while we both never paid attention at all. She told me she got kinda jealous of me wearing them because she wanted to wear hers but couldnt. She asked me if i heard about TWLOHA winning the news print commercial thing in USA Today. I told her i did, and we chatted for like 2 minutes about it. then later i realized that she is nice to talk to.
So her last week had came, and i thought well things are going to back to normal in class, depending what you call normal in that class because everything changes everyday in that class. The day before she left she gave us a survey to take out her teaching and comments and concerns and all that jazz. I am always bad at those, so i just tried my best. Even in the comments space (because she asked us to put comments and that "they mean more than any statistic") i put "well i am really bad at these but. . ." and left my comment her being a good teacher and stuff. But that was it. nothing too special besides she was good.
The next day was her last day. I saw her in the hallway before my math class, and i stopped and told her i wore my TWLOHA shirt just to annoy her. But then we ended up talking about TWLOHA shirts in the middle of the hallway while people are shuffling to their next class. Then i had to go, and went to my math class, took a test, and then went to her class. She was doing her last bit of business with the seminar we did a week, i think it was a week, before. My english teacher said the thing we said about the nerve-racking comment of us saying we have no hope for people to change. Deep down inside i do believe people can change, but i guess my mentality at the time of the seminar was in a different place of thinking how people have no lives because of the media (and i quoted "Do you feel" by the rocket summer in that seminar). Then my student teacher said something about people trying to change things. Then she mentions me. "Like Mike there, he's just making a statement by just wearing a shirt. He's just trying to start conversations people never talk about. That is issues of teen depression, suicide, self-inflicted injury." And i just smiled to myself, i kinda got red, but i was happy. It totally made it worth it to wear that shirt that day. Even people in my class later on asked me how to find information about it, which made me happy. I felt like i wasnt alone on supporting what i do, that someone older than me finally understood something i do and why i do it. She later read us a quote from a book and asked us to make a response to it. When i talked, which was 2nd, i just said my mind. i rarely do that in my english class because i am always getting judged for what i said and being graded on it. I felt like i could be open, because of my student teacher, and just speak my mind. And to be honest, that was the first time i think i ever spoke completely about what i think. She also put her e-mail on the board if we ever need someone to vent to, she would be there, and add her on facebook if we wanted to. Only until after we had done talking and the end of the school day was approaching did i realize that i was going to miss her being a presence in my classroom.
I was inspired by her. She meant something to me. She made me realize that there are people in this place who do care about teaching you, helping you, helping other people. I think that survey i took before her last day didnt give the full effect of what she meant to me. She wasnt just another student teacher. She was a person who helped me learn, a person i could talk to, a friend, and a mentor. Thank you for all you have done for me and the class for the past couple of months. I know i will miss you and good luck on all of your travels and endeavours in life. I know you will succeed greatly. And you never know, maybe we could meet up several years later like we did after that concert.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I wanna live inspired
I wanted to title this with an Anberlin lyric quote because i just found out they are playing a show near me!They are playing at Highline Ballroom June 3rd! I saw the Rocket Summer there like 3 weeks ago (well tmrw is exactly 3 weeks and i wore my rocket summer shirt today too). That day i have school though which means i will be able to get to the train station at like 3 o'clock and get to the venue at like 4:30,4:45, maybe 5. there might be a line i dont know. But i have ride awakening that day. im not sure what time it ends, but once it does, im bolting home, then bolting to the train station so i can get on the next train. Hopefully it would be nicer outside than it was for the Rocket summer concert. I hope my mom lets me go by myself or someone comes with me. Sorry im kinda excited and want to go! haha well thats about it
Peace 'n' love
Peace 'n' love
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
"Wish you drink would hurry and kill you" "Love is a terrible art, its a hook in the heart" "existence has no meaning, there is no such thing as happy" "One last drink just to kill the pain" "Why do you wanna be all listening to me, why do you spread your arms and tell me I'm free? Why do you wanna be in my life?"
Life is short. You live, and you die everyday in some way. There is no way in stopping the dying process. It happens to all of us.
"Dont try to wake me up even if the sun really does come out tomorrow"
What is true happiness? What is love? Even if the sun comes up, dont try to wake me up. Is life really truly worth living?
People die, friends die, wars will wreck your life, whether internally or externally. You try to help others the best you can but you really dont help anyone at all. There comes a point in your life when you have to give up everything and leave everything behind. Whats worth the pain? Very little, almost nothing is worth it.
"I wrestled the angel for more than a name"
We fight things we cannot control. We try to drive our lives and never be the passenger, but overall we are always the passanger. Parents will die, dreams will die, you will be alone. You will be torn in two.
"I never said then that i would be easy to love, supposedly i am a man but i felt like a cub"
we are things we are not. we are everything and nothing. We think we are one thing, when in actuality we are just dust and dirt.
"I was a happy nihilist, now I'm wondering why I exist"
We question life. We say we believe in things but then we ditch those ideas. But what are we in essence? What is life? What is love? What is happiness?
"I put my money on me, I used to be something"
I am nothing. I wish i was something in my earlier years but i always told myself i was nothing therefore i became nothing. This is the harsh reality that i realize too late.
What is the true meaning of life?
"Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire
And nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
Is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
THIS IS MY HELL."
Life is short. You live, and you die everyday in some way. There is no way in stopping the dying process. It happens to all of us.
"Dont try to wake me up even if the sun really does come out tomorrow"
What is true happiness? What is love? Even if the sun comes up, dont try to wake me up. Is life really truly worth living?
People die, friends die, wars will wreck your life, whether internally or externally. You try to help others the best you can but you really dont help anyone at all. There comes a point in your life when you have to give up everything and leave everything behind. Whats worth the pain? Very little, almost nothing is worth it.
"I wrestled the angel for more than a name"
We fight things we cannot control. We try to drive our lives and never be the passenger, but overall we are always the passanger. Parents will die, dreams will die, you will be alone. You will be torn in two.
"I never said then that i would be easy to love, supposedly i am a man but i felt like a cub"
we are things we are not. we are everything and nothing. We think we are one thing, when in actuality we are just dust and dirt.
"I was a happy nihilist, now I'm wondering why I exist"
We question life. We say we believe in things but then we ditch those ideas. But what are we in essence? What is life? What is love? What is happiness?
"I put my money on me, I used to be something"
I am nothing. I wish i was something in my earlier years but i always told myself i was nothing therefore i became nothing. This is the harsh reality that i realize too late.
What is the true meaning of life?
"Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire
And nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
Is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
THIS IS MY HELL."
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Rock out like your life depends on it
I found this guy, Anis Mojgani, from TWLOHA. He spoke one of his poems at the Heavy and Light show in 2010. It was awesome. I decided to see more poems by him. I found this video and it was awesome. There is 3 here and so many quoteable lines. This guy is great. I hope you enjoy this!
Heres the one he read at Heavy and Light, which is the one he says in the last one above ^ ^
Heres the one he read at Heavy and Light, which is the one he says in the last one above ^ ^
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Ever since that night
I wrote a song. its for a special certain someone who i think never reads this. but if she does, then its for you =]
Ever since i wrote that song
about two weeks ago
a week after i saw you
saw that smiling face of yours
[c] i cant help but think
i cant help but feel
feel these things in my heart
everything that deals with you
and your beautiful self
i cant see you hurt
it makes me want to hold you even more
your head against my chest
with tears coming down your eyes
[c]
I cant help these growing feelings
but it just makes me excited
my heart races just to think of your name
and how much you mean to me
and my life, my life
[c]
Ever since i wrote that song
i dream of you more
and love you just a little bit more
♥
Peace 'n' love
Mike
Ever since i wrote that song
about two weeks ago
a week after i saw you
saw that smiling face of yours
[c] i cant help but think
i cant help but feel
feel these things in my heart
everything that deals with you
and your beautiful self
i cant see you hurt
it makes me want to hold you even more
your head against my chest
with tears coming down your eyes
[c]
I cant help these growing feelings
but it just makes me excited
my heart races just to think of your name
and how much you mean to me
and my life, my life
[c]
Ever since i wrote that song
i dream of you more
and love you just a little bit more
♥
Peace 'n' love
Mike
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Is this everything that you've hoped for?
I am bored. No one will probably read this. i will ramble on about things in this post, like i normally do.
im listening to "save" by the rocket summer, thinking about the concert i went to friday. it was so much fun, yet it makes me sad. i was alone at the concert, which was good actuallly. i got the chance to talk to new people and meet new people. key word, chance. i didnt though. there was a girl i thought was pretty yet i failed to talk to her. why? i dont know. maybe i was scared she would judge me, think i have bad intentions. and i get sad thinking about that concert. i had fun! but i dont know what makes me sad when i think about it.
maybe i scared. maybe im scared to meet new people. maybe im scared ill hold on. maybe im scared to go to college. its a new place, maybe im scared to go cuz i dont know anyone. maybe im scared to be there by myself and be alone alot. maybe im scared of alot of things. i wanna say ill never be scared again, but i cant.
last night my friend wrote a survey note thing on facebook. he said the last photobooth pciture he took was with his now girlfriend karen, her foreign exchange student marieke, and a friend. I began to feel sad. so here is a short story of what happened. i like marieke, i told karen to tell marieke this fact. i didnt talk to her anymore. I just regret that happening. i want to see her again face to face and say "im sorry" and start over as friends. she probably forgot about me though. who am i but a random person in her life? who am i to anyone but just another random person in there life?
"Is this everything that you've hope for? is this everything you've dreamed? well i think it is, if the real point is seen" those lyrics from "so in this hour" just are made to be screamed. When he played it live, i screamed those parts so loud. I dont know why but they mean a lot to me. they mean something to me
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
im listening to "save" by the rocket summer, thinking about the concert i went to friday. it was so much fun, yet it makes me sad. i was alone at the concert, which was good actuallly. i got the chance to talk to new people and meet new people. key word, chance. i didnt though. there was a girl i thought was pretty yet i failed to talk to her. why? i dont know. maybe i was scared she would judge me, think i have bad intentions. and i get sad thinking about that concert. i had fun! but i dont know what makes me sad when i think about it.
maybe i scared. maybe im scared to meet new people. maybe im scared ill hold on. maybe im scared to go to college. its a new place, maybe im scared to go cuz i dont know anyone. maybe im scared to be there by myself and be alone alot. maybe im scared of alot of things. i wanna say ill never be scared again, but i cant.
last night my friend wrote a survey note thing on facebook. he said the last photobooth pciture he took was with his now girlfriend karen, her foreign exchange student marieke, and a friend. I began to feel sad. so here is a short story of what happened. i like marieke, i told karen to tell marieke this fact. i didnt talk to her anymore. I just regret that happening. i want to see her again face to face and say "im sorry" and start over as friends. she probably forgot about me though. who am i but a random person in her life? who am i to anyone but just another random person in there life?
"Is this everything that you've hope for? is this everything you've dreamed? well i think it is, if the real point is seen" those lyrics from "so in this hour" just are made to be screamed. When he played it live, i screamed those parts so loud. I dont know why but they mean a lot to me. they mean something to me
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Saturday, April 10, 2010
A night on the town
Am i going to sit here and bore you with my experiences right now? well im waiting for a package to come and to go to work at 4 and it is only 2 so therefore yes i am.
Yesterday, i went to New York City. I was going to see the Rocket Summer at Highline Ballroom. I almost didnt go but thats a totally different story. I got on the train and then the hour and 20 minute ride began. Once i got off the train, i was in Penn Station and then went to go to the venue. My mom and her boyfriend walked down with me to the venue, and that took about 30 minutes. Every 10 feet i walked i had to look back and see where my mom was at, because she walks slow and i walk really fast. She kept telling me to slow down. After 17 blocks down, and 2 blocks over, i was at the venue.
There was a line, not a big one, but a small one with about 13 people in it. They were all girls, i was the first guy there. My mom was waiting there with me for no reason. I told her the car show was all the way back near Penn Station and she got angry at me. These two girls came next in line after me. One girl was like asian-ish and looked like my friend Katrina, and the other was a pretty and cute girl that looked like my ex-girlfriend (except with blonde hair). She looked similar but not exactly the same. I'm over my ex, but it was just weird she kinda looked like her, but she was pretty which is all that matters. (she was also wearing a Harry Potter shirt which reminded me of Rachel for some reason haha) Anyway they had us move in closer to the venue, and i was still the only guy in line, trapped behind the girls, staying to myself because i couldnt talk to any of them because i didnt know any of them and it would be awkward to bust into their conversations. I waited for a little bit, i heard Bryce soundchecking, and he was playing "Hills and Valleys" To try to kinda segway my way into those two girls conversations, i said to the asian one, " iwas thinking the same thing" when she started doing the clappping part to that song. But that is where it ended. I was wearing a short sleeve tee shirt and shorts and it was about 45 degrees. I was the only one in the city wearing shorts. It was slightly cold and my knees were shaking for a little bit, but once it was 5:40, the doors opened 10 minutes late.
Once i went up the stairs and the guy scanned my ticket, i went straight to the merch booth to buy a shirt. I looked at the shirts real quick and choose a blue one. i asked for a medium, they didnt have it. she asked me if a small would fit, and i took, and she said if it doesnt u can bring it back. i went to the stage and i was the 2nd person from the stage. it was awesome, but i was also surronded by all girls. I put the shirt on, it fit, and then waited til the opening acts starter. The first band was Socratic. They were great! from the first song they played i knew i liked them. They played about 6 songs and were cool guys. The 2nd band was "lions of ido" i didnt like them too much. The girl bassist looked like she wasnt havent fun and didnt want to be there. The one guitarist had no emotions. the drummer was good, the random guy was too into it (and he stole Jon Foreman's tom drum bash) Towards the end of their set, the singer started raping this girls head. He grabs her head and puts his next to hers and like hugs her head and put his mouth near her ear. it was just really really weird. I asked her after "how awkward was that?" and she was like very! oh gotta love weird people haha
Then Bryce finally came on. I'm not going to go through every song in the order it went because that would get long, and i dont remember all the songs in order. He did play a decent amount of older stuff that i did not know, so i kinda felt left out. The pretty girl i mentioned before looked like she had an amazing time and she was in front of bryce's little stand thing so she constantly saw him and him in front of her. He had his little intro thing then he played "Hills and Valleys" it was really good. then he played "do you feel" i love that song and he did well. Next he played a cover of some song he heard on the radio, apparently alot of people knew it cuz they were singing along. Next was "you gotta believe". I missed my chance to go on stage and ask him to play it, but he plays it differently than me so i would mess it up. He played "Save" next which is a song i know, but am not too fond with. it is a good song just i rarely listened to it. He went to the drums after the song was over, and recorded a beat that he looped. He did the same with the bass, then with guitar. Then they stopped it, and played "break it out" which was a fun song. After that i kinda forget. i know he played some older songs, one of which was "cross your heart" He played a song off his new album which i cant remember. Ah now i do, it was "i need a break. . . .but i'd rather have a breakthrough" HE also came into the crowd and played "i want something to live for" then he crowd surfed to the stage which was awesome and i helped him kinda get on stage. He took the picture of the concert on his Iphone then he played more songs. He supposed last song of the set was "So, in this hour" which is an amazing song. He did the "You tell me to live" outro too. He left the stage and came back for an encore. He did a medly of things on his piano. he did alot of older stuff for his encore. he did do the outro to "japanese exchange student" though, which was fun. i kept trying to get him to play "freebird" as a joke because of that jon foreman show where the guy tells him to play that. his band came back on and they played "so much love" Then his last song was "light" which was awesome and a good way to end the show.
i tried to get a setlist, but the girls attacked it when the guy threw it into the crowd. they deserve it more than me bc they are probably bigger fans. I had to wait on line for merch because i wanted to get the vinyl. and i did. i got the talk to the singer of socratic for like a minute then i got a bad picture of us together bc my phone was being dumb. but he was awesome and cool with it. i told vinny, another guy from socratic, he did a good show. then my mom told me to walk to penn station which took me like 15 mins because i walk fast. i was tired. i ate something, got back on the train and went home and got sleep.
that was in hope i didnt bore you to death.
Peace'n'Love
Mike
Yesterday, i went to New York City. I was going to see the Rocket Summer at Highline Ballroom. I almost didnt go but thats a totally different story. I got on the train and then the hour and 20 minute ride began. Once i got off the train, i was in Penn Station and then went to go to the venue. My mom and her boyfriend walked down with me to the venue, and that took about 30 minutes. Every 10 feet i walked i had to look back and see where my mom was at, because she walks slow and i walk really fast. She kept telling me to slow down. After 17 blocks down, and 2 blocks over, i was at the venue.
There was a line, not a big one, but a small one with about 13 people in it. They were all girls, i was the first guy there. My mom was waiting there with me for no reason. I told her the car show was all the way back near Penn Station and she got angry at me. These two girls came next in line after me. One girl was like asian-ish and looked like my friend Katrina, and the other was a pretty and cute girl that looked like my ex-girlfriend (except with blonde hair). She looked similar but not exactly the same. I'm over my ex, but it was just weird she kinda looked like her, but she was pretty which is all that matters. (she was also wearing a Harry Potter shirt which reminded me of Rachel for some reason haha) Anyway they had us move in closer to the venue, and i was still the only guy in line, trapped behind the girls, staying to myself because i couldnt talk to any of them because i didnt know any of them and it would be awkward to bust into their conversations. I waited for a little bit, i heard Bryce soundchecking, and he was playing "Hills and Valleys" To try to kinda segway my way into those two girls conversations, i said to the asian one, " iwas thinking the same thing" when she started doing the clappping part to that song. But that is where it ended. I was wearing a short sleeve tee shirt and shorts and it was about 45 degrees. I was the only one in the city wearing shorts. It was slightly cold and my knees were shaking for a little bit, but once it was 5:40, the doors opened 10 minutes late.
Once i went up the stairs and the guy scanned my ticket, i went straight to the merch booth to buy a shirt. I looked at the shirts real quick and choose a blue one. i asked for a medium, they didnt have it. she asked me if a small would fit, and i took, and she said if it doesnt u can bring it back. i went to the stage and i was the 2nd person from the stage. it was awesome, but i was also surronded by all girls. I put the shirt on, it fit, and then waited til the opening acts starter. The first band was Socratic. They were great! from the first song they played i knew i liked them. They played about 6 songs and were cool guys. The 2nd band was "lions of ido" i didnt like them too much. The girl bassist looked like she wasnt havent fun and didnt want to be there. The one guitarist had no emotions. the drummer was good, the random guy was too into it (and he stole Jon Foreman's tom drum bash) Towards the end of their set, the singer started raping this girls head. He grabs her head and puts his next to hers and like hugs her head and put his mouth near her ear. it was just really really weird. I asked her after "how awkward was that?" and she was like very! oh gotta love weird people haha
Then Bryce finally came on. I'm not going to go through every song in the order it went because that would get long, and i dont remember all the songs in order. He did play a decent amount of older stuff that i did not know, so i kinda felt left out. The pretty girl i mentioned before looked like she had an amazing time and she was in front of bryce's little stand thing so she constantly saw him and him in front of her. He had his little intro thing then he played "Hills and Valleys" it was really good. then he played "do you feel" i love that song and he did well. Next he played a cover of some song he heard on the radio, apparently alot of people knew it cuz they were singing along. Next was "you gotta believe". I missed my chance to go on stage and ask him to play it, but he plays it differently than me so i would mess it up. He played "Save" next which is a song i know, but am not too fond with. it is a good song just i rarely listened to it. He went to the drums after the song was over, and recorded a beat that he looped. He did the same with the bass, then with guitar. Then they stopped it, and played "break it out" which was a fun song. After that i kinda forget. i know he played some older songs, one of which was "cross your heart" He played a song off his new album which i cant remember. Ah now i do, it was "i need a break. . . .but i'd rather have a breakthrough" HE also came into the crowd and played "i want something to live for" then he crowd surfed to the stage which was awesome and i helped him kinda get on stage. He took the picture of the concert on his Iphone then he played more songs. He supposed last song of the set was "So, in this hour" which is an amazing song. He did the "You tell me to live" outro too. He left the stage and came back for an encore. He did a medly of things on his piano. he did alot of older stuff for his encore. he did do the outro to "japanese exchange student" though, which was fun. i kept trying to get him to play "freebird" as a joke because of that jon foreman show where the guy tells him to play that. his band came back on and they played "so much love" Then his last song was "light" which was awesome and a good way to end the show.
i tried to get a setlist, but the girls attacked it when the guy threw it into the crowd. they deserve it more than me bc they are probably bigger fans. I had to wait on line for merch because i wanted to get the vinyl. and i did. i got the talk to the singer of socratic for like a minute then i got a bad picture of us together bc my phone was being dumb. but he was awesome and cool with it. i told vinny, another guy from socratic, he did a good show. then my mom told me to walk to penn station which took me like 15 mins because i walk fast. i was tired. i ate something, got back on the train and went home and got sleep.
that was in hope i didnt bore you to death.
Peace'n'Love
Mike
Thursday, April 8, 2010
If life had background music playing your song, i've got to be honest, I tried to escape it
I just read an amazing blogpost on "Cities", the third album of one of my favorite bands anberlin. it was very interesting, inspiring, yet saddening in a way. I also read a post from my friend, Rachel, and that post was slightly saddening too. I dont know maybe for both, its hard for me to see people i look up to be upset and in a disillusioned point in there life. I used to be like that with my mom. Every time i saw her cry, i would cry. It still kind of happens, but not as much. I feel less connection to her for some reason. One thing Stephen brought up is that he always had someone who was proud of him, his father, and his father would tell him that he could do whatever he wanted to do and he put his mind to. I dont feel like i have someone who is constantly proud of me. My mom wants everything better of me, calls me lazy, curses at me for getting a band grade in school. She is proud of me for things i find not that important, and she isnt proud of me for what i think is important. She is proud of me getting into a good college, and thinks i will do well and shit. But what does that shit mean to me? oh great i got into college, i accomplished my one dream of getting out of this house. Yes its a good college, but to a point i could give a shit. Its another part in my life i have to live through to get what i really want. I do want a new crowd of faces, to find my true home, but at the same time, i dont think engineering is going to be my life career. I was talking to another friend named Rachel last night about her teaching. She said its a job but she cant see herself doing it for more than 5 years max. Its the same with me. my mom thinks im going to get a good job, get lots of money, and support her and maybe my brother. But for me, i can see me working in engineering for like 5 years max, like Rachel with teaching. We both have a driving need to be something else than this world wants us to be. I want to be a musician. I want to be someone's Jon Foreman, Tim Foreman, Stephen Christian, Ryan Kirkland, Matt MacDonald, etc. I want to be that person that people will look up to and be happy with me. I want to inspire people.
Now i forgot where this began, oh gotta love the stream of consciousness
"Its not that i keep hanging on, I'm never letting go" For some reason this line strikes me. For many times and places and people, I dont want to let go, even though i know i have to. Im not hanging on, i just cant let go.
I fail at times. I'm not a perfect perosn. I sin. I fall down. I say i want to help but i dont "become the change i want to see in the world" I feel like a hypocrite. I lie, i curse, i do other bad things. I judge people, i make fun of people. I let people get on my nerves.I feel like people over-rate the songs i write. Sure they may have a couple or 2 good lines but thats it. the music isnt good, the guitar work isnt good, the singing is utter shit. And people tell me all the time, youre singing isnt the best (to be nice) or like when i playing a benefit concert, in the middle of a song, someone in the crowd yelled out "You suck!" and walked out. Or the best, all of your music sounds the same. Just because the lyrics are good, it doesnt mean the rest is good, it most likely means its shit, bc im not Switchfoot, Anberlin, Between the trees, The CLassic crime, dream theater. I would be a bad boyfriend/husband. I can be mean at times, i yell at times, im very sarcastic. Who would want to live with a lazy piece of shit like me? At times i feel like the world should revolved around me. I do say certain things at times just to see how people will respond. And if no one says anything, i get angry at myself or the people who didnt say anything. I feel a space between certain friends and myself. Some friends i can tell this too, some friends this thing, i can never tell everything to one person. Last time i did that person left me. I have nothing against her, its life, but i could tell her anything, and then things fell apart and we havent talked for like 5 months. What love that is. She would get angry at me for my depression thoughts which caused a fight between us, and he eventual admittance that she cheated on me. Yet i took her back. I dont know, maybe love is blind.
and to agree on Rachel (the first one) im tired of the passing of time. and with that, nothing that happens. Time just goes by and i dont do anything. I just sit here in front of my computer listening to music, and get made fun of by my family for being in front of the computer. But maybe it gives me more of a home than they ever do. "because the coldest winters thrive on broken homes" "Is anybody out there?"
Like from one of my songs "I just feel liek sitting here and wasting away" At times i find everything pointless, and if i just sat her like a vegetable and did nothing, i would not really miss anything. "there is more to living than being alive" "Existance before essensce" Yesterday someone asked me if i was alive after i didnt respond to them for a long time. I rightfully said "define alive" what does being alive in these days mean? Does it mean having tons of friends you dont really know, going out and getting wasted, come back home and fucking some whore from the side of the street? or fucking some girl you say you love but you really dont because all you want from her is sex and sandwiches? Or is it doing something you love, helping others, and be a loving friend, boy/girlfriend, or husband/wife?
I'm just rambling on though, it feels kind of good, but also makes me more angry and just want to yell at the top of my lungs certain songs i can do that to. I should be happy tomorrow im going to NYC and going to see The Rocket Summer. It should be an awesome time, yet here i sit feeling bad for myself and angry at the world. I need to find where i put my concert ticket. ok found it. it was right in frontof me. thought i would have to move stuff. I have no idea what else to say. Im still listening to anberlin, cities the album. im on "inevitable" i really like Dismantle. Repair. Ok well im going to stop now
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Now i forgot where this began, oh gotta love the stream of consciousness
"Its not that i keep hanging on, I'm never letting go" For some reason this line strikes me. For many times and places and people, I dont want to let go, even though i know i have to. Im not hanging on, i just cant let go.
I fail at times. I'm not a perfect perosn. I sin. I fall down. I say i want to help but i dont "become the change i want to see in the world" I feel like a hypocrite. I lie, i curse, i do other bad things. I judge people, i make fun of people. I let people get on my nerves.I feel like people over-rate the songs i write. Sure they may have a couple or 2 good lines but thats it. the music isnt good, the guitar work isnt good, the singing is utter shit. And people tell me all the time, youre singing isnt the best (to be nice) or like when i playing a benefit concert, in the middle of a song, someone in the crowd yelled out "You suck!" and walked out. Or the best, all of your music sounds the same. Just because the lyrics are good, it doesnt mean the rest is good, it most likely means its shit, bc im not Switchfoot, Anberlin, Between the trees, The CLassic crime, dream theater. I would be a bad boyfriend/husband. I can be mean at times, i yell at times, im very sarcastic. Who would want to live with a lazy piece of shit like me? At times i feel like the world should revolved around me. I do say certain things at times just to see how people will respond. And if no one says anything, i get angry at myself or the people who didnt say anything. I feel a space between certain friends and myself. Some friends i can tell this too, some friends this thing, i can never tell everything to one person. Last time i did that person left me. I have nothing against her, its life, but i could tell her anything, and then things fell apart and we havent talked for like 5 months. What love that is. She would get angry at me for my depression thoughts which caused a fight between us, and he eventual admittance that she cheated on me. Yet i took her back. I dont know, maybe love is blind.
and to agree on Rachel (the first one) im tired of the passing of time. and with that, nothing that happens. Time just goes by and i dont do anything. I just sit here in front of my computer listening to music, and get made fun of by my family for being in front of the computer. But maybe it gives me more of a home than they ever do. "because the coldest winters thrive on broken homes" "Is anybody out there?"
Like from one of my songs "I just feel liek sitting here and wasting away" At times i find everything pointless, and if i just sat her like a vegetable and did nothing, i would not really miss anything. "there is more to living than being alive" "Existance before essensce" Yesterday someone asked me if i was alive after i didnt respond to them for a long time. I rightfully said "define alive" what does being alive in these days mean? Does it mean having tons of friends you dont really know, going out and getting wasted, come back home and fucking some whore from the side of the street? or fucking some girl you say you love but you really dont because all you want from her is sex and sandwiches? Or is it doing something you love, helping others, and be a loving friend, boy/girlfriend, or husband/wife?
I'm just rambling on though, it feels kind of good, but also makes me more angry and just want to yell at the top of my lungs certain songs i can do that to. I should be happy tomorrow im going to NYC and going to see The Rocket Summer. It should be an awesome time, yet here i sit feeling bad for myself and angry at the world. I need to find where i put my concert ticket. ok found it. it was right in frontof me. thought i would have to move stuff. I have no idea what else to say. Im still listening to anberlin, cities the album. im on "inevitable" i really like Dismantle. Repair. Ok well im going to stop now
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
You give me hope
"You give me hope in spite of everything. You show me love even with so much pain. so i will take this life and live like i was given another try"
I am listening to that song over and over. at first i really didnt like it. after a couple of listens, it is awesome. Its not like "rock-your-face-off" awesome, more like God awesome. Have you ever heard of anyone calling God awesome? well its one of those awesomes.
I love Between the Trees (the band that made that song ^ ^) and Ryan Kirkland (the singer and guitarist of BTT). They just seem like amazing people who are good hearted. They want to help people, and do help people with their music. I wish i could do that. i wish i was like my heroes. Jon Foreman, Switchfoot, Stephen Christian, Anberlin, Matt MacDonald, The Classic Crime, Bryce Avary/The Rocket Summer, i know there are alot more that i am forgetting right now. they write good songs, and they have good music to it. and me just a 17 (almost 18) year old kid who has an acoustic, electric guitar, bass, and piano who makes crappy songs that dont mean anything to anyone and most of them havent heard outside the four walls i play them in. I show people my lyrics, but they are just lyrics. they arent lyrics with music with my bad voice. I really want to know peoples reactions to my songs when i play the songs for them. does it really make them think? does it connect with their life? does it make sense at all?
I wish i was like my heroes. They mean so much to me. I want to be that person for some people. I want to be that good hearted person that some teen looks up to. i want to be an inspiration.
But maybe God has bigger plans for me. Maybe He wants me to do something different and still help people and be an inspiration. But i still have hope to be a musician.
"You give me hope in spite of everything. You show me love even with so much pain. So i will take this life and live like i was given another try, given another try"
arent we given another try all the time?
I am listening to that song over and over. at first i really didnt like it. after a couple of listens, it is awesome. Its not like "rock-your-face-off" awesome, more like God awesome. Have you ever heard of anyone calling God awesome? well its one of those awesomes.
I love Between the Trees (the band that made that song ^ ^) and Ryan Kirkland (the singer and guitarist of BTT). They just seem like amazing people who are good hearted. They want to help people, and do help people with their music. I wish i could do that. i wish i was like my heroes. Jon Foreman, Switchfoot, Stephen Christian, Anberlin, Matt MacDonald, The Classic Crime, Bryce Avary/The Rocket Summer, i know there are alot more that i am forgetting right now. they write good songs, and they have good music to it. and me just a 17 (almost 18) year old kid who has an acoustic, electric guitar, bass, and piano who makes crappy songs that dont mean anything to anyone and most of them havent heard outside the four walls i play them in. I show people my lyrics, but they are just lyrics. they arent lyrics with music with my bad voice. I really want to know peoples reactions to my songs when i play the songs for them. does it really make them think? does it connect with their life? does it make sense at all?
I wish i was like my heroes. They mean so much to me. I want to be that person for some people. I want to be that good hearted person that some teen looks up to. i want to be an inspiration.
But maybe God has bigger plans for me. Maybe He wants me to do something different and still help people and be an inspiration. But i still have hope to be a musician.
"You give me hope in spite of everything. You show me love even with so much pain. So i will take this life and live like i was given another try, given another try"
arent we given another try all the time?
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Where is my home?
Heres a poem i wrote today. It was influenced a bit by "this is home" by switchfoot. but it is mainly influenced by the fact that i'm going to college, and i really dont know where my true home is.
where is my home?
is it in that wickerbasket
where people know whats there?
or is it in the small concrete block
where this name can be heard?
is it in that far off land
one i prise so much
one that is new and wiling
in that place people call Indiana
where i know almost nobody
or is it in this place?
the chair i am sitting in
that has worn down from over-use
in a place i call New Jersey
where i know almost everyone
or is it in a place i dont know?
on the beating pulse of someone
a girl in my dreams
or the boys and girls i dont completely know yet
the ones i will soon enough know
where is my home?
in the end i will realize
this is home
i belong in this very place
i have found my home
Peace 'n' Love
God Bless
where is my home?
is it in that wickerbasket
where people know whats there?
or is it in the small concrete block
where this name can be heard?
is it in that far off land
one i prise so much
one that is new and wiling
in that place people call Indiana
where i know almost nobody
or is it in this place?
the chair i am sitting in
that has worn down from over-use
in a place i call New Jersey
where i know almost everyone
or is it in a place i dont know?
on the beating pulse of someone
a girl in my dreams
or the boys and girls i dont completely know yet
the ones i will soon enough know
where is my home?
in the end i will realize
this is home
i belong in this very place
i have found my home
Peace 'n' Love
God Bless
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Who needs air?
"I have come to realization that life is more than what i have accomplished
And life is more than the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all
true success is so selfless so drown in the lyrics of your life and give up the air that you breathe
you dont need anything"
i just love that. Thank you Matt MacDonald for those lyrics.
Peace 'n' Love
And life is more than the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all
true success is so selfless so drown in the lyrics of your life and give up the air that you breathe
you dont need anything"
i just love that. Thank you Matt MacDonald for those lyrics.
Peace 'n' Love
Thursday, March 11, 2010
New things . . . .again
So i'm blogging again. and im going to say very little because i actually have to go to work soon. well i visited Illinois and Indiana this past weekend. it was fun, even with the aggravtion between my mother and I. I met up with Rachel which was awesome. i visited purdue university and decided im going to go there for college. i accepted my offer of admissions two days ago. i wrote a song while in chicago which im hoping to memorize. i bought a hardshell guitar case for my acoustic for college. i got my paycheck, and hopefully get it by friday (bc im in dire need of gas for my car, im on empty)umm yea that seems about it. so yea have a cool day/night, whichever you prefer!
Peace 'n' Love
Peace 'n' Love
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Whats new?
I havent written a blog post in like a long time, since the summer i think. So here i go trying to do what other people do so well and something i cant seem to go well. (using well has become to stick with me bc of sheldon, but others forms of proper grammar hasnt haha). so Purdue won tonight. i was happy. They were playing Michigan State but almost blew it when they came into 3 points of what Purdue had. I texted my friend saying "i could care less about the snow, i just want Purdue to win this game" she probably thought i was crazy because i said in a very obscure and cryptic way. (im too lazy to check what i actually said. But yea i dont have school tmrw, and im eventually gonna have to shovel snow which is somehting i hate doing.
This post really isnt about any thoughts or ideas. i just posted for the hell of it. Maybe i should change the name but i dont know.
side story--- while watching the beginning of the 2nd half of the game, my brother was showing me a good outer limits episode on youtube. i forgot what it was called but it was good. these kids were trapped in school by this alien and they were forced to choose if one person would die or not to choose to vote, which all of them would die. this one kid had the 5 other kids with him basically on a list to kill bc they "messed" with his life somehow. once he makes one girl die from voting for her, he tells his whole story and why he had the peopls pictures circled and why he brought a gun to school (to kill them thats why). then he realized he messed up and then the alien revived the girl he killed and things went back to normal and got better. he gave his gun to the principal and the show ended. it was good, and definetly made you think what would force someone to kill other people? i mean did they really mess up his life that much?
also another thought (it seems i do have a reflections on ideas and thoughts haha) sports give you a thrill (well for me at least) when things are on the line and you want to win. it gives you a big boost, your heart races, you scared but excited, and have relief when you win. i cant wait to go to college next year and live this thrill in person instead of on TV. its gonna be great! (and im going to be one of those crazy fans with painted chest and face haha)
well thats all for now. i kinda ranted, i kinda talked, i kinda reflected on things. all in all, a decent post. im tired so i shall go to sleep soon
Peace 'n' Love
This post really isnt about any thoughts or ideas. i just posted for the hell of it. Maybe i should change the name but i dont know.
side story--- while watching the beginning of the 2nd half of the game, my brother was showing me a good outer limits episode on youtube. i forgot what it was called but it was good. these kids were trapped in school by this alien and they were forced to choose if one person would die or not to choose to vote, which all of them would die. this one kid had the 5 other kids with him basically on a list to kill bc they "messed" with his life somehow. once he makes one girl die from voting for her, he tells his whole story and why he had the peopls pictures circled and why he brought a gun to school (to kill them thats why). then he realized he messed up and then the alien revived the girl he killed and things went back to normal and got better. he gave his gun to the principal and the show ended. it was good, and definetly made you think what would force someone to kill other people? i mean did they really mess up his life that much?
also another thought (it seems i do have a reflections on ideas and thoughts haha) sports give you a thrill (well for me at least) when things are on the line and you want to win. it gives you a big boost, your heart races, you scared but excited, and have relief when you win. i cant wait to go to college next year and live this thrill in person instead of on TV. its gonna be great! (and im going to be one of those crazy fans with painted chest and face haha)
well thats all for now. i kinda ranted, i kinda talked, i kinda reflected on things. all in all, a decent post. im tired so i shall go to sleep soon
Peace 'n' Love
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