I wrote this in like 30 minutes because i wanted to write. I channelled my inner Jack Kerouac and wrote stream of consciousness. I hope you enjoy it and can make sense out of what im saying.
I have lost a lot of special that were really close to me. I am not going to lie about that fact. It has either happened through death, arguments, fights, or just things not working out. So as a person, I guess I am used to people just walking out of my life. Trust me I love making friends, getting to know people and their stories. But to a certain extent, there seems to be no point. Either you or your friend will hurt each other in the end. Arguments are going to happen; fights may occur. But what do you do when all of this happens? Do you continue to ignore the person, get angry, and blow your top on someone else? Or do you try to seek peace? I’m guilty of the first one. I stay angry and ignore the person. I have done this several times, but where did it lead me? Nowhere! Just anger and sadness. But one should try to seek peace, and rebuild burnt bridges.
I have friends that are really good friends. I can talk to them about anything, call them up, text them, or do whatever to talk to them. This is like my friends Steve and Dmitri. I know if I text them or call them, they would able to talk to me, or at least schedule a time when we can talk. They can make me laugh, and make me think. Also, I can just send them random things and they won’t get upset or annoying. Then I have good friends who I don’t talk to as much anymore, but I can still rely on them if I needed them. It’s not that I don’t appreciate them, I surely do, but it’s just that due to college schedules and circumstances, we don’t talk as much. This is like my friend Sheldon. We go to college a thousand miles apart and we can’t see each other. Due to our busy schedules, we can barely talk to. But I know I can count on him. When we both go back home, we have stories of our college adventures to tell each other. It’s enjoyable. It feels good to have a friend back at a place you used to call “home” but now you feel forsaken by. So it’s good to have friends that are there for you.
Even though there are friends that are there for you, there are liars out there. There are people who will walk out of your life. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident, sometimes by your own fault. I know many of these happened to me. I have to say that this has happened to me more than I’ve found constant friends. I guess I could call them temporary friends. These are the people who are in your classes for a year or a semester, then you never see them again. If you do see them again, it’s the awkward “Hey you were in my one class, yeaaaaa. . . .” Only being done with one semester of college, I already know how this feels unfortunately. Even from high school or middle school, I see people and it’s the awkward “hey” or do what I do, pretend you don’t remember them and hopefully don’t remember you, and if they do, hopefully they don’t say anything. Also there are the people who just walk out of your life and never return. You talk to them for like a half a year, you guys become good friends, and then they leave. Once again, this can happen from any circumstance, whether your own doing or nature. One experience I had was with a friend who I became good friends with for 3 months. We would talk all the time. Then a week or two before my birthday, she stopped talking to me. This upset me greatly. Because of how I am, I thought it was my fault. Then I got angry and started blaming her. But then I just didn’t know who to blame or what to do. I became upset. Someone who meant a lot to me just walked out of my life. Luckily, a year and a half later, we got things patched up, and now we are really good friends. This is an exception. Most people who leave never come back. I became friends with this one girl named Tiffany. We talked like every weekend, and maybe two or three times during the week. I mean there were times where we lived our own lives. But we still had time to talk to each other. Ever heard the saying “you never realize what you had until it’s gone”? Well my friendship with her was like that. I started my senior year in high school. We still would occasionally talk, but not as much as we used to, but we still talked. By the time August came around, (I think that’s when it was. I really don’t remember now that im trying to recollect what happened) we just stopped talking. I knew her Twitter and Flickr account, but I really didn’t think much of it. Fast forward about a year, I just start thinking about her and the conversations we had, and wonder what she’s up to. We just stopped being friends. Due to circumstance under none of our control, we just stopped being friends. It hurts to see someone who you really enjoyed talking to, become a stranger and not recognize who you are. But I guess this is life. Then there are friends who walk out of your life because of arguments and fights. I had another really good friend who I talked to a lot. One day we got into an argument (it was totally my fault) and I tried to repair the tensions after it. She said it was ok, so I gave some time. Time passed by, and you know how time passes by. To quote Jon Foreman “Like a gunshot, its over”. We stopped talking. I was upset from what I did, wanted to still be friends, still am sorry to this day, but she burned the bridges. She doesn’t remember who I am, nor does she probably want to remember. But that is how life has to be. People will walk out of your life. What do you do when that happens? I surely don’t know the answer as you can see. But you can try to repair ties, but sometimes I won’t happen.
Maybe you have to choose your friends wisely, or turn your back on a lot of people. Or maybe you could just accept life at face value. Accept that life is what it is, that people will leave and hurt you, but also there are special people in your life that will always be there no matter what. To quote Doctor Who, “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” I hope you can find friends that will help brighten up the good things in your life.
Peace 'n' Love
Mike
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