There will always be wars

when I told someone I am thinking about joining the military, he told me “dont join becuase of the war”. And inside my head I've been thinking about this over and over. And to be honest, because I'm dull, I just keep thinking the same thing over and over. “what war?” Which war are we talking about? There will always be a war. Everyday there is a war. A war inside of us. Between who we are, and who we should be. War between two people because one person can not let go of a mistake or a grudge. War that divides a country in half because some people want this, and others want that. War between countries because a country wants to try to help everyone at once. There will always be war. War has always been in this world since its beginning. These days we are a people born in war, out of war, from war. Maybe that is why the world is what it is like today. We are a people of war. But somehow maybe if I go off to battle and risk my life for my country and what I believe in, maybe I can gain respect. Maybe I can gain honor and have people be proud of me. I mean it is not like I have much to lose. Its not like anyone will miss me either. Everything recently has been slipping away from me. I dont have much. I have more musical instruments than friends I can just sit and talk to. I have nothing to lose. Maybe the military may shape my life for the better; it may shape it for the worse. But the way things are looking now, this is the only option I see. Maybe if I die in “war”, I can die with honor and some pride. Maybe, just maybe…

I'm tired of this

I’m tired of people saying I cant do something. I hate when they say it because I'm not experienced enough or I'm too young or whatever other bull crap. I'm also tired of people saying I'm not good at something I take pride in. I take pride in playing music, the music I listen to, the musicians I listen to (because they are awesome people like Jon Foreman and Bryce Avary for example), and other things. I take pride in my sense of position and awareness and stuff. But I'm tired of people saying I'm not good at those things I take pride in. I'm tired of it!

Albums of my freshman year

I stole this from Erin who had a playist for her sophomore year. so here is my (sorta) playlist (more like albums) that i listened to a lot my freshman year of college.



1. Dark is the Way, Light is a Place- Anberlin

Despite the long title, this was an album i was totally waiting for it since i was the 17th person to pre-order it. (i got free dogtags, a signed cover poster, and a free shirt bc of that =P) i was totally anticipating it. but it kinda let me down a bit. i mean it was good, and i listened to it for about 2 weeks. after anticipating it so much, a 2 week listen is kinda bad. but it is still a good album, but i hope anberlin comes out with another album that is more "Cities"-esque.



2. The Glass Passenger- Jacks Mannequin

There was a time where i kind of just listen to whatever songs or artists. But once thanksgiving rolled around, i got this album and every since then i loved it. Its just a great album and especially love the message of recovery in it. songs like swim, crashin, the resolution, and caves. but there are songs that i just enjoy a lot like bloodshot and hammers and strings(a lullaby). this album means so much to me. i was listening to it again fully around spring break time, and i just realized that it meant a lot to me. i dont know how or can explain how, but it means a lot to me.



3. Right now there would a sorta flux area with two albums i got. "The End is Not the End" and "Surburba" both by House of Heroes together had a like 3 week life span. Its just its not one of those albums i rememeber from the year. Both of them seemed like a past love that just re-emerged for those 3 week time period. most likely because it was not really "new" music (liek style-wise) but it was more of Sswitchfoot-type albums.I mean these (and "Vista" by Roderick, a local guy i know) were my soundtrack for my winter break. So i guess ill add them haha



4. "What Seperates You from Me"- A Day to Remember

I dont remember when i exactly got this album, but i know once i did, i listened to it constantly for the rest of the spring semester. Just songs like "All i want", "this is the house that doubt built", and "all signs point to lauderdale" were early hits with me. the first two i kinda over-played and dont listen to them much anymore. "all signs" means a lot to me now because im home. take a listen and youll know why. but songs like "its complicated" and "better off this way" and "2nd sucks" and "you be tails, i'll be sonic" were songs that grew on me later, especially the almost all screaming songs. but this album is definately a hit with me. i really enjoy it, and it was probably my whole soundtrack to my spring semester, plus or minus a couple of songs and bands i starting liking the last month, a lot of 90's/early 2000's rock stuff.



so there you go. i hope you enjoyed it. maybe take some listens to some of the songs or albums i mentioned.



Peace!

Dear ______, (Part 2 kind of)

I havent posted in awhile. Here is something good to get back into it.



Dear 1,

You know I am annoyed with you. But you can do nothing about it. You know you tried but I'm beating you up for it when i shouldnt. Its just I had high expectations, and then you kinda failed. But you have flaws when it comes to school, you cant do things like normal people. But maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe the next semesters are gonna be better. There is always hope even though you fail to see it at times and say completely ridiculous things.

Love and Hope,

Someone who really cares about you



Dear 2,

Things have changed. I hope you got that. Times changes things and i cant help that. I hope you realize that. I mean being friends can be awesome, but you just seem to have that guy hang around you all the time. Or maybe i just see you when you are with him. I gave you music because i needed closure on that part of my life. That first semester was awesome, and i just needed closure on it and i needed to move on. I hope you liked your cd i made for you. I wasny being fake when i wrote those songs. But to be honest, its annoying as fuck when you say "oh lets hang out" and have me say "ok cool tell me when cuz im like always free" and then you never tell me. DAmnit come on now. Be true to your word. Oh well, maybe thta just happens to me.

Peace and Love,

Your friend whenever you want to be friends



Dear 3,

I know i told you those things. But it was my fault, it happened too late. Nothing is gonna happen and youre gonna find another guy, and thats life. I try to trust and give in, but i only get burned. I mean youre an awesome girl, but just the way things look now, it wont work. Maybe im looking too far ahead. I mean i would like it if it worked out,but i dont know i have things wrong with me and thats why i think this way. So i dont know. Maybe once i show you more of me, you cant take it and wont accept me. I dont know. I guess we shall see what happens.

Peace and Love,

Your friend



Dear 4,

We both go to college. Both of those are in indiana, but they are seperate schools. I think youre really pretty, and i think youre really awesome. You like a lot things i like, and youre doing something with music too which is awesome. But i dont think it would ever work. Im too far away from you. We couldnt hang out a lot. We couldnt do stuff together, and just everytime i talk to you i think im bothering you cuz you always seem busy. I mean i wouldnt mind if something occured between us but i doubt it will. Like i said i always look at your fb and think, "wow shes really pretty" maybe i just dont have the balls to tell you i sorta-kinda-like you if-we-talked-more-and-became-better-friends-and-got-to-hang-out-in-person-and-do-random-stuff. And i also told one of my friends that i would think i would end up liking you more if we ever ended up hanging out and stuff.

Peace and Love,

A kid who kinda likes you, but cant admit it



Dear 5,

Please come get me! Ive been waiting for awhile now. You can fit perfectly in my room when the door is closed. Do i need to make a sign for you like Santa? Ive always be waiting for you so we can have an awesome adventure together!

Peace,

A hopeful kid





Ok i think thats all.

Peace 'n' Love

Mike

Thoughts on Friendship

I wrote this in like 30 minutes because i wanted to write. I channelled my inner Jack Kerouac and wrote stream of consciousness. I hope you enjoy it and can make sense out of what im saying.



I have lost a lot of special that were really close to me. I am not going to lie about that fact. It has either happened through death, arguments, fights, or just things not working out. So as a person, I guess I am used to people just walking out of my life. Trust me I love making friends, getting to know people and their stories. But to a certain extent, there seems to be no point. Either you or your friend will hurt each other in the end. Arguments are going to happen; fights may occur. But what do you do when all of this happens? Do you continue to ignore the person, get angry, and blow your top on someone else? Or do you try to seek peace? I’m guilty of the first one. I stay angry and ignore the person. I have done this several times, but where did it lead me? Nowhere! Just anger and sadness. But one should try to seek peace, and rebuild burnt bridges.



I have friends that are really good friends. I can talk to them about anything, call them up, text them, or do whatever to talk to them. This is like my friends Steve and Dmitri. I know if I text them or call them, they would able to talk to me, or at least schedule a time when we can talk. They can make me laugh, and make me think. Also, I can just send them random things and they won’t get upset or annoying. Then I have good friends who I don’t talk to as much anymore, but I can still rely on them if I needed them. It’s not that I don’t appreciate them, I surely do, but it’s just that due to college schedules and circumstances, we don’t talk as much. This is like my friend Sheldon. We go to college a thousand miles apart and we can’t see each other. Due to our busy schedules, we can barely talk to. But I know I can count on him. When we both go back home, we have stories of our college adventures to tell each other. It’s enjoyable. It feels good to have a friend back at a place you used to call “home” but now you feel forsaken by. So it’s good to have friends that are there for you.



Even though there are friends that are there for you, there are liars out there. There are people who will walk out of your life. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident, sometimes by your own fault. I know many of these happened to me. I have to say that this has happened to me more than I’ve found constant friends. I guess I could call them temporary friends. These are the people who are in your classes for a year or a semester, then you never see them again. If you do see them again, it’s the awkward “Hey you were in my one class, yeaaaaa. . . .” Only being done with one semester of college, I already know how this feels unfortunately. Even from high school or middle school, I see people and it’s the awkward “hey” or do what I do, pretend you don’t remember them and hopefully don’t remember you, and if they do, hopefully they don’t say anything. Also there are the people who just walk out of your life and never return. You talk to them for like a half a year, you guys become good friends, and then they leave. Once again, this can happen from any circumstance, whether your own doing or nature. One experience I had was with a friend who I became good friends with for 3 months. We would talk all the time. Then a week or two before my birthday, she stopped talking to me. This upset me greatly. Because of how I am, I thought it was my fault. Then I got angry and started blaming her. But then I just didn’t know who to blame or what to do. I became upset. Someone who meant a lot to me just walked out of my life. Luckily, a year and a half later, we got things patched up, and now we are really good friends. This is an exception. Most people who leave never come back. I became friends with this one girl named Tiffany. We talked like every weekend, and maybe two or three times during the week. I mean there were times where we lived our own lives. But we still had time to talk to each other. Ever heard the saying “you never realize what you had until it’s gone”? Well my friendship with her was like that. I started my senior year in high school. We still would occasionally talk, but not as much as we used to, but we still talked. By the time August came around, (I think that’s when it was. I really don’t remember now that im trying to recollect what happened) we just stopped talking. I knew her Twitter and Flickr account, but I really didn’t think much of it. Fast forward about a year, I just start thinking about her and the conversations we had, and wonder what she’s up to. We just stopped being friends. Due to circumstance under none of our control, we just stopped being friends. It hurts to see someone who you really enjoyed talking to, become a stranger and not recognize who you are. But I guess this is life. Then there are friends who walk out of your life because of arguments and fights. I had another really good friend who I talked to a lot. One day we got into an argument (it was totally my fault) and I tried to repair the tensions after it. She said it was ok, so I gave some time. Time passed by, and you know how time passes by. To quote Jon Foreman “Like a gunshot, its over”. We stopped talking. I was upset from what I did, wanted to still be friends, still am sorry to this day, but she burned the bridges. She doesn’t remember who I am, nor does she probably want to remember. But that is how life has to be. People will walk out of your life. What do you do when that happens? I surely don’t know the answer as you can see. But you can try to repair ties, but sometimes I won’t happen.



Maybe you have to choose your friends wisely, or turn your back on a lot of people. Or maybe you could just accept life at face value. Accept that life is what it is, that people will leave and hurt you, but also there are special people in your life that will always be there no matter what. To quote Doctor Who, “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” I hope you can find friends that will help brighten up the good things in your life.



Peace 'n' Love

Mike

Look who's here!

Hey everyone! I know I haven't posted in a long time. School/college really does that to you. It sucks all your time you have left. I am actually leaving Purdue to go home for the rest of the week. For it is Thanksgiving week/weekend. It it always good to go home occasionally and see everything and everyone again. I actually cant wait to drive again. I cant wait to play my electric guitar again. Out of everything those are the two things i miss the most. And my grandma's cooking, but thats a different story. I get work on Black Friday and Saturday. Not really much fun (working 20 hours in 2 days) but i do get money. And i feel like im spending way too much money recently. And Christmas is coming too, I should give some people some presents. But besides all of this, nothing is really new besides school, homework, and more homework. I have a couple of new songs ive written. One i wrote yesterdaty. Im planning to do a simple electric guitar track of it over the weekend, maybe post it here and on my myspace, and then go from there. So yea i really cant think of anything else to say.

And you may have notice that i have a new background on my blog! I finally changed it! WOO! go me! but seriously, my old one was very summer-y and now i need something winter-y kind of. I chose the background because i like to write stuff. And i mostly write stuff indoors, and the white of the paper is kind of like the snow in winter. So that is the story. Have a great week, great Thanksgiving, and awesome weekend! (and dont annoy cashiers at best buy on black friday or saturday)

Peace 'n' Love
Mike

Fight on, little Solider, fight on

I recently went on a trip with a friend. We took his car from the Purdue campus all the way to his house which is a suburb of Indianapolis. It was a fun trip. We left Saturday night, and Saturday afternoon was the Purdue vs Toledo game at home. It was a really bad game for Purdue, even though there were ups and downs in the game. The first half was just a big down. Then the third and beginning of the fourth quarter came around and it was a big up for Purdue. We were doing well, made Toledo turn the ball over, and decent on offense. But when the end of the fourth quarter came around, the game ended badly. The score was Purdue 20, Toledo- 31. The game was a bad game, with many downs. But this relates to life. You may be questioning, wait how does football relate to how I live my life? Well I mentioned that there were ups and downs in the game. The same thing happens in life. Things won’t go your way; things might go your way. You get high on life and happy, or you could get down and depressed. But one thing that has to be down is to fight on. Purdue was down the whole game basically, the worst part being in the first half. But they fought on. Even though they were playing bad, and things were not going their way, they fought on. Fight on little solider fight on. Even though things might not go your way fight on. Even if the pain you feel hurts to bad and you want to give up, fight on. If you don’t think there is way, fight on and you will find a way. Keep going on, look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t have tunnel vision; don’t just see the darkness. Fight on and you will see the light.

There were a couple of things that struck me in Indianapolis. My friend and I went to his house. The next day we went to his church, and then went to Irving Theater to see a concert. The Almost and Between the Trees were playing, and I personally love those bands. I got to meet all the guys from Between the Trees before and after the show. All the guys were nice there. After the concert was over, I stood around talking to the bands and the people there. My second to last stop at all the merchandise tables was the Almost’s table. Jay, the guitarist, was there talking to some people. He was a cool guy. After my friend and I took a picture and I was leaving, he told me to wait up a bit and he wanted to tell me something. He told me he noticed that I was wearing a To Write Love On Her Arms shirt. He was like, “hey you know the girl, Renee, that like started all of this?” I of course said yes. “Do you know that the guys. . .” he pointed the area where Between the Trees were, and I rudely interrupted and said “Yes I know they were friends with her and stuff.” Then we talked for like thirty seconds on how it’s weird how this one girl started a whole revolution because of friends who wanted to help her. I think that’s what we should do with everyone. Not start a revolution, but be nice and help others. Care about them so much that you just need to help, write songs about them, help them fight on through the darkness.

Another thing that shocked me was a quick conversation that my friend and I had while we were in a neighboring neighborhood to his. Joking around, I say to him, “So are there any good looking girls in this area?” He did say to me that there actually was this one girl. She was like really pretty and nice. He was talking all in past tense, so being the questioning person I am, I asked what happened to her. He only said three words. Three words that always makes me question and wonder; three words that hurt so much no matter who the person is. The words he said were “She gave up.” I sat there speechless when he said this. I just started saying questions to myself, “Why?” “how?”. So I just briefly responded “wow”. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t know what to say. I wonder if she had friends that could help her. Help her to fight on through the darkness. That’s why I think we should be someone’s Jamie T or Ryan Kirkland. We need to help other people out. Help them weather the storm. Help them get their eyes off something that will not accomplish anything good. Every person’s life is important, yet people don’t get that at times. But we really need to embrace that fact. We need to help fight on. Tell them there is a meaning in life. The pain will end. Help is real. We need to fight on no matter what. Tell people to fight on or help people fight on. Tell them their life is important. Tell them you were made to love and be loved. Help them fight on. Fight on. Tell them to keep going on, the pain is only for now, only temporary. Fight on, little solider, fight on.